Dear Abby: Friend thinks fundraiser is inappropriate for adoption

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Zoe," is unable to have children. She tried in vitro four times without success. The doctors told her there's nothing else they can do. Her uterus is not able to carry a child to term.

Zoe and her husband have decided to adopt. However, it is very expensive and all of their savings went toward the IVF treatments. Zoe's mom wants to have a benefit to raise money for them. I am against the idea because, in my opinion, benefits are given for something you don't choose (like cancer or a house fire). Adopting a child is a choice. Is what they're planning acceptable? Am I wrong to feel this way? I know I'll be talked about by Zoe and her mother if I don't contribute.

- Friend in Conflict

DEAR FRIEND IN CONFLICT: Whether Zoe and her mother retaliate by gossiping about you is beside the point. I see nothing wrong with a benefit.

If Zoe and her husband can't afford to adopt a baby, another option they might consider is becoming foster parents. Please suggest it to them.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 19-year-old student who works. Recently, I was talking with a co-worker about life, the economy and tough times. As we conversed I mentioned that I use hand soap as shampoo and body wash to save money. A few days later, during my lunch hour, I found grocery bags containing toiletries in the back of my vehicle. I feel uneasy about this. I didn't mean to throw a pity party. I'm unsure whether to accept this "anonymous" gift.

- Have My Pride in Arizona

DEAR HAS YOUR PRIDE: Yes. Write your co-worker a short note, thanking him for his generous gift. Then say you are accepting his gift only as a one-time gesture.