On the NBA | So Kobe wants a trade. Well, all right, what if . . .?

After a few days bizarre even by NBA superstar standards, we believe we've got it right: Kobe Bryant, the league's best player, is angry with the Lakers' front office.

Bryant's public near-meltdown to various media outlets alternated between despair and almost blind rage at the Lakers while he bounced back and forth like a Ping-Pong ball on whether he wanted to stay in Los Angeles.

But if Bryant sticks to his last pronouncement late Wednesday that he indeed wants to leave, we are obligated to come up with plausible trade scenarios.

Do any of these really make sense? Of course not. The Lakers would be insane to trade their drawing card, insane to trade him to any of their Western Conference competitors, and insane to do it because almost all the young stars the Lakers would covet in return for Bryant - think Dwyane Wade, Amare Stoudemire, Josh Howard - are beginning major contract extensions.

Those extensions create, for trade purposes, "poison pill" provisions that make the players virtually impossible to trade even if their teams want to move them. And we have the rather strong suspicion they don't.

It's much more likely that Kobe stays in Los Angeles and the Lakers acquire a star player (perhaps Jermaine O'Neal, as the New York Post predicted last week) to appease him.

But Kobe's wacky week forces us to at least go through the exercise of playing amateur general manager.

In all these cases, Bryant would have to waive both his no-trade clause and his 15 percent trade kicker. All salaries below are for the 2007-08 season. And remember, this is an exercise. Not reality.

Phoenix. The trade: Bryant ($19.49 million), forward Ronny Turiaf ($770,000), and the Lakers' 2007 first-round pick (19th overall) to the Suns for forward Shawn Marion ($16.44 million), guard Leandro Barbosa (about $5.5 million), guard James Jones ($2.65 million), and the Suns' two 2007 first-round picks (24th and 29th overall).

The reasoning: Phoenix exchanges Bryant's big contract for Marion's (two years and $34.2 million remaining) and Barbosa's (he is starting a $33 million extension). Moving Marion allows Boris Diaw to return to power forward. Barbosa could be Los Angeles' first Latino superstar since Fernando Valenzuela. The deal also allows Bryant and Raja Bell to have a WWE-style reunion of former foes who now work together.

Portland. The trade: Bryant, center Andrew Bynum ($2.17 million) and the Lakers' 2007 first-round pick to the Blazers for forward Zach Randolph ($13.3 million), guard Martell Webster ($2.97 million), guard Fred Jones ($3.3 million), guard Sergio Rodriguez ($980,400), the Trail Blazers' 2007 first-round pick (first overall), and two of Portland's 2007 second-round picks (37th and 42d overall).

The reasoning: This would define "blockbuster," no? If the Lakers are giving up the league's most dominant player, they have every right to ask for Greg Oden. Of course, Portland's new general manager, Kevin Pritchard, would be drawn and quartered, but Pritchard is not afraid to take big risks. Having LaMarcus Aldridge and Brandon Roy around makes Bynum's immediate development less crucial while still giving Kobe a better supporting cast than he has in L.A.

Utah. The trade: Bryant, guard Jordan Farmar ($1.01 million) and a Lakers 2007 second-round pick (48th overall) to the Jazz for guard Deron Williams ($4 million), guard Gordan Giricek ($4 million), forward Andrei Kirilenko ($13.74 million), and Utah's 2007 and 2009 first-round picks (the 2007 pick is the 25th overall).

The reasoning: If Utah has to be a luxury-tax player, it doggone well would rather do it for Bryant than AK-47. Bryant is reunited with one of his favorites, Carlos Boozer, and Jerry Sloan - who loves competitors more than he hates showmanship - would grow to love Kobe's killer instinct. The Lakers would get the league's best young point to go with their young center, Bynum.

Washington. The trade: Bryant and forward Maurice Evans ($1.5 million) to the Wizards for guard Gilbert Arenas ($11.9 million), guard Antonio Daniels ($5.8 million), center Brendan Haywood ($5 million), the rights to guard Juan Carlos Navarro, and Washington's 2007 and 2010 first-round picks (the 2007 pick is the 16th overall).

The reasoning: Obviously, there's no deal if Arenas doesn't make a full recovery from his knee injury. Assuming he does, the L.A. native has the kind of sizzle (such as when he dropped 60 on the Lakers last season) that might - might - be able to sell some tickets there. Navarro may be the best guard in Europe, but he's hung up by a large buyout. Bryant loved playing with Caron Butler and hated seeing Butler dealt for Kwame Brown two years ago.

And, finally, the 76ers. The trade: Bryant, Farmar and a Lakers second-round pick (No. 40 overall) to the Sixers for guard Andre Miller ($9.36 million), forward-center Samuel Dalembert ($10.25 million), forward Andre Iguodala ($2.8 million), two 2007 first-round picks (No. 12 and No. 30), a 2007 second-round pick (38th overall), and the Sixers' 2009 first-round pick.

The reasoning: Like any businessman, Billy King occasionally daydreams while at the office.