Dan Gross: LOW BLOWS: Has-been 'celebs' put on the gloves to cash in before their 15-minute bell rings

WHERE'S a professional athlete who's gone broke and facing criminal charges to turn? If you're a loyal reader, you know there is only one answer: Celebrity Boxing Federation promoter Damon Feldman.

Embattled ex-Phillies star Lenny Dykstra will take on Jose Canseco in Alki David's Celebrity Fight Night, featuring a Battle of the Baseball Bad Boys, at the Avalon Concert Hall, in Hollywood.

The fight, at 9 p.m. Saturday, will be streaming online at FilmOn.com and, according to Feldman, will also be available on pay-per-view TV through Comcast and other providers.

It costs $19.95 to stream or watch through TV pay-per-view.

Feldman's collaborator, the Nigerian born Alki David, is an Internet mogul whose websites include FilmOn.com, Battlecam.com, FightNight.com and 9021go.com.

Dykstra had been a scheduled guest at a sports memorabilia show this weekend at Oxford Valley Mall but, according to Feldman - who is promoting the fight with David, Dino Bomis and Bobby Capone - the guys are paying Lenny more than he would have made at the autograph show, though he declined to say how much that was.

Poppel.com, which is staging the autograph show, confirmed that Dykstra pulled out early yesterday, and it expressed disappointment that he did not honor their signed agreement.

"We believe in second chances, and that is why we wanted to give Lenny an opportunity for this appearance," said Poppel.com's director of business developement, Eric Poppel. "At this time he has used up all the goodwill we have," he said. Poppel said that other guests, such as former Phillies Mitch Williams and Rudy Seanez, and former Flyer Reggie Leach, will still appear. (More info at Poppel.com.)

Poppel said that in 18 years his company has had more than 1,000 athletes as "guests" and has had "two guests die prior to the event, one broken leg and a handful of family emergencies," but never has someone "knowingly cancel his appearance for the sake of not wanting to honor his contract."

But Dykstra wants to take his fight to the ring. "Lenny is fighting for his good name in baseball," said Dykstra's business manager, Dan Herman, of West Chester. "Lenny's life for the last two years has been upside-down, mainly because of snitches."

"Canseco is one of the many rats that have diminished Dykstra's career," Herman said, citing how Canseco's book Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big helped lead to the Major League Baseball investigation into steroid use that involved Dykstra.

Herman, who runs a hip-hop label called Chinga Chang Records, predicts that Dykstra will knock out Canseco in the third round.

Among other bouts on the celebrity-studded card: Joey Buttafuoco vs. Lou Bellera, husband of Buttafuoco's former teen mistress, Amy Fisher. Fisher, meanwhile, is scheduled to battle Nadya "Octomom" Suleman; rapper Coolio is slated to take on "Baywatch" actor Jeremy Jackson, and White House party-crasher Tareq Salahi, originally set to fight Canseco, is designated to go glove-to-glove with O.J. Simpson houseguest Kato Kaelin.

Tattooed tramp Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, who slept with Sandra Bullock's ex-husband, Jesse James, is scheduled to fight Violet Kowal, who is said to have slept with Mel Gibson. Reality star Tila Tequila is on the card to take on an undetermined challenger.

For those considering a wager on any of the bouts, know that if the past is any indication, the smartest bet is that one or more of the cards will change and that some opponents may drop out, which has happened several times in the past with Feldman's fights.

The last time we wrote about Feldman and Canseco, Feldman was suing Canseco for failing to show up for a fight in Florida, sending his twin brother, Ozzie, in his place. Feldman said yesterday that those issues have been resolved.

"We are friends again. It's all business," said Feldman. "I'm out the money, but I'm looking at long-term stuff here. I don't want to hold a grudge. Who cares."