Carolyn Hax Archive

Break it off; boyfriend deserves more: Question: I have a long-standing crush on a coworker. He would even say I had an emotional affair of sorts with him: I would do really fun things with him and not tell my boyfriend, or even lie to him about what I was doing.
How can she endure constant bad news?: Question: Any advice on how to keep bouncing back when life keeps sending bad news your way? I feel like that ambush scene in Bonnie and Clyde when the cops keep shooting way after Bonnie and Clyde have probably died.
Boyfriend's swell - except he watches porn: Question: My boyfriend of two years and I are moving in together. We are both 30. This has been a wonderful relationship with very few disagreements.
Why did she tolerate abuse?: Question: I'm a 20-year-old female college student. My last ex-boyfriend of five months was abusive: emotionally, mentally, and even physically (a few times).
Is sister boycotting the births?: Question: I always thought my younger sister and I were close. When I was pregnant with my first child I expected she would come to the hospital with my parents to congratulate me and be there for me. She didn't drive the two hours with my parents because she partied too much the night before. I was truly hurt and told her this. She apologized and said she didn't think I wanted her at the hospital.
If her ex is nicer now, should they try again?: Question: After years of reading your chats with a sick feeling in my stomach, knowing that wanting things to work didn't make it so, I finally ended my tumultuous five-year relationship six months ago. I have felt great since then!
He won't call his mother on Dad's death anniversary: Question: My father-in-law died seven years ago yesterday. My mother-in-law called my husband first thing this morning, upset because she had not heard from him. I suspect no one called her. My husband said he didn't even realize yesterday was the day, and if he did, he would have been hesitant to call her for fear of upsetting her.
His friends think he's crazy to remain friends with ex-wife: Question: Am I crazy to still be friends with my ex-wife? We split up five years ago after she had an affair with the man she is married to now. We had been married 15 years and had three kids, now ages 21 to 15.
Cold stepmom spurns 2 girls: Question: I'm in college now, but I have two sisters who are still living at home with my father and stepmother. My mom died a few years ago after a long, drawn-out battle with cancer. This was extremely hard on my sisters, who were only 7 years old at the time.
When a friend, he gave her TMI: Question: I'm madly in love with my caring, funny, and stable boyfriend of over a year. We've been relatively drama-free, despite being long-distance the entire time. We were good friends before dating, so knew quite a bit about each other going into it, skeletons included. There's no doubt that without the foundation of friendship, our relationship would not be as strong as it is.
She cleaned up her act; what should she tell people?: Adapted from a recent online discussion. Question: After several years of really bad behavior (drinking too much, sleeping with several married men and general promiscuity, dabbling in drug use, and generally not being a good person), about six months ago, I finally managed to stop all of this c
The doc, the writer, and a rude question: Question: My wife is a doctor, and I am a freelance writer. People often say things like "Must be nice to have a wife who can support you." I make more money than my wife - I'm successful in my field, and my wife works for a nonprofit clinic - but people assume she's supporting us both.
This couple's troubles are much more than suds-deep: Question: I have been with my girlfriend for 21/2 years. We moved in together 11 months ago with the understanding that if we felt the same after a year, we would plan marriage.
Mourning a love's end: Question: How much time is appropriate to mourn the end of a serious relationship? I had been with my live-in boyfriend for six years when we broke up this summer. Friends were there for me at first, but they have quickly started encouraging me to move on and seem impatient when I say I'm still adjusting.
He stays late at pal's; she frets: Question: My fiance and I have been together for nearly five years. One of our biggest bones of contention has been his relationship with his friends. I feel like he puts them above me. He says he views them more as family than friends and treats them as such. We live two houses away from one of his closest friends. My fiance often goes over to his friend's house just to hang out.
Counseling for troubled couples can be worthwhile, if . . .: Question: How do you know when a relationship has become too much work? My boyfriend of three years wants to go to couples counseling, and while I am willing to try to work out our problems, I am not optimistic about a couple that has had problems for almost half the relationship and already needs counseling.
Old school beau wants her to act like they never dated: Question: Almost 20 years ago, I was part of a large circle of friends in high school. One of the guys and I dated a couple of times and then 10 years later when we were in the same town. When I say "dated," that's all I mean, nothing more.
Son's gf is pregnant and she's 'disappointed': Question: My 26-year-old son's girlfriend - of four months - is pregnant. I have very mixed emotions about this, mainly because he just met her, and I do not know her. They work and live across the country.
Is son biting and hitting playmates?: Question: Last week I took my son to play group and was told by one of the other mothers that he has been biting, hitting, and otherwise being too physical with the kids.
How to curb daughter's X-rated talk: Question: Our 25-year-old daughter chose a different lifestyle than we'd imagined for her: She parted ways with college at 20 and has been bartending ever since. She has good management skills and has never been out of work, and we respect the fact that she's finally responsible for herself.
Husband reneged on deal to share the cleaning chores: Question: My husband and I agreed when we married to alternate weekends on doing household-cleaning chores. This has worked OK for the last year.
The baby shower they want isn't what she wants to give: Question: My brother and his wife are expecting a little boy this spring. We're all very excited, and I've offered to host the baby shower.
Dilemma about a struggling college son: Question: My son is a freshman at an academically challenging liberal arts college. He is telling us that he is struggling to keep up, and, yes, we've told him to go to the academic advising office and the like.
When can you ask partner to change?: Question: When is it OK to ask a partner to change a behavior to make you happy, and when does it cross a line? My partner and I are discussing this honestly and caringly because we have some differences in how we prefer to be treated, and while we both want to make each other happy, we aren't sure of the line between compromise and changing our "selves" (whatever that is!).
Defend gay brother or stay silent?: Question: I'm 17 and moving away next fall for school. My older brother, who lives on his own, came out to our family 18 months ago. My mother (very religiously conservative) has "kicked my brother out of the family," to use her words. She told him he was not welcome at any family functions.
Learning you're the other woman, wanting him anyway: Question: Blargh. I've spent the entirety of my two-year relationship on the lookout for the other woman, only to learn this week that I am the other woman. The "main" woman is his on-again, off-again fiancee, currently on, whom I had glimpsed in passing a number of times, but always thought was a relative of his.
Self-centered Stressed Mom: Question: What is the best way to end a friendship - to back away slowly and quietly, or to be up front about why you are unhappy?
To homemaker, that's her work; hubby asks her to take a job: Question: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. He has always worked, and I've always been a homemaker. I consider this my "job."
Peeking at e-mail raises her hackles: Question: So I did something I know is wrong. During a recent visit, my mother-in-law checked her e-mail and never logged out. Instead of doing the right thing and logging it out, I read her sent mail. I had a hunch she was talking negatively about my husband and me, and unfortunately my hunch was confirmed. She is spreading some pretty nasty lies about us to our family and her friends.
He can't forgive and forget her cheating: Question: Approximately 10 years ago, my wife had an affair with our daughter's soccer coach. Of the nearly seven billion people on the planet, she was adamant that she had found her "soul mate."

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