Posted on Mon, Nov. 16, 2009
Dear Amy: My husband and I have a 6-year-old daughter.
How do we help her develop a sense of self-respect and self-esteem? In a society where thin is everything, being popular is a matter of selling yourself out, and sex is happening at an early age, what message should we give her?
Dear Mom and Dad: That she is an individual with the strength of character to make good choices, and that she should face the consequences with integrity when she doesn't.
While she is young, she will look to you as her strongest influence. Provide her with ample "teachable moments" where she can see herself as intelligent, capable, and strong. Encourage her to be kind, generous, tolerant, and involved in the world.
You should limit her television, movie, and Internet exposure, and encourage her to read with you and then talk about what she has read.
Become media literate and encourage your daughter to discuss concepts or influences she is exposed to. There are wonderful examples of women who have used their brains, talent, and character to change the world - make sure your daughter knows about these people, their contributions and life stories.
Your girl will be the hero of her own story. If she feels good about who she is and is secure in her attachment to her parents and extended family, she is less likely to worry too much about how to please other people.
Dear Amy: I recently heard that my ex-friend's grandmother died.
I was shocked and felt I should express to her and her family how sorry I am, but something is keeping me from telling her. I don't want to send a message that all is forgiven.
We had a major falling-out this year while I was planning my wedding. Our 20-year friendship was not doing so well already, so I decided to ask her to be in my wedding in hopes that we could become closer.
Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. I thought making her my bridesmaid would make it better, but it didn't. She dropped out of my wedding and ended the relationship over e-mail, which really hurt my feelings.
Even though I have no regrets and I feel our wedding ended up exactly how it was supposed to be, I still wish she could have been there because we have been through so many things together, good and bad.
I just want to make sure that if I send her a card expressing my sympathy she will know that I am being sincere and not trying to use my expression of sympathy to fix our friendship.
I know when the time is right and we are ready, we'll talk again.
Dear Wish: Your ex-friend's loss is not about you, your wedding, or your friendship.
Your simple expression of sympathy should be focused on memories (if any) of the person who died, along with thoughts and good wishes toward those who are grieving. The recipient will decide how to interpret your expression. She will make a choice about whether to respond.
From what you say about her, she doesn't sound interested in maintaining a friendship with you, and based on the way she has treated you, I wonder why you miss her so much.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com.
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