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Ask Amy: Coach's texts to girl players are out of line

Dear Amy: My 13-year-old daughter recently got her first cell phone. She plays softball in a recreational league, and her coach is a married man in his early 40s, with a daughter on the team.

While he is a nice guy, I have an issue that the other parents don't seem too concerned about. He constantly sends the girls text messages. There are days when my daughter receives up to 10 texts from him.

He texts about school, about other kids on the team and about "how they are feeling."

Should I confront him and ask him to stop texting my daughter? I don't want to risk alienating her from her team. She thinks I am overreacting, but I don't think it is normal or healthy for a fortysomething man to be constantly texting with young teenage girls.

What do you think?

- Confused in South Park

Dear Confused: Let me put it this way: If my 13-year-old's coach did this, I'd be all over it (regardless of the coach's gender or marital status), and I would not be LOL.

The only reason for a coach to contact team members outside of practice is to notify them of a change to that day's schedule.

Tell him to stop. If he wants to know how your daughter is, he can ask her at practice or on game day. Otherwise, if he has any off-the-field questions that need to be directed to her having to do with the team, school or "how she's feeling," he can give you a call, and you'll pass the message along.

I can't believe the other parents don't have a problem with this. And it shouldn't matter whether your daughter sees this as an overreaction. You are the grown-up; you are her mother - you get to decide.

So decide.


Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com.
Comments   
Posted 07:40 AM, 11/13/2009
JEGirl
Great advice!
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Comment removed.
Posted 09:44 AM, 11/13/2009
birdswinbaby
why would this parent need to ask advice about this? why is this parent confused about this? arent there almost daily reports about coaches and players, especially young girls? are you kidding! its almost 2010 and this parent is still confused??....this was good advice but how are there still parents out there that arent properly protecting their kids. this is the same kind of parent that would let her daughter go to a team sleepover at the coaches house....i cant say whether the coach is a perv but you just cant take chances anymore. you cant afford to be confused anymore. your children cant afford for you to be confused anymore. i dont care if its coaches, priests, teachers, counselors, neighbors, etc... if it doesnt feel right its WRONG. there is no more room for "im not sure." *head shake*
Posted 10:31 AM, 11/13/2009
cindym507
I agree w/birswin. Part of the problem today is parent's don't want to be the bad guy. Well if you won't someone else will. Stop worrying about your daughter's "feelings" and put your foot up this creep's backend. I'd let him know, I'd be watching him really carefully.
Posted 10:57 AM, 11/13/2009
MikeP
I wouldn't address this directly with the coach. I would be concerned that it would cause issues for the daughter. I would go to the school administration, ask them to address it and ask for them to notify you after they did. Regardless of the coach's intentions, I would not be comfortable with him contacting my daughter. I'd also look into who the daughter has given contact information to and let her know who she is or is not allowed to give info to.
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Posted 12:32 PM, 11/13/2009
superturtle
You people are crazy. I suppose you also think the coach should cancel the team sleepover at his house too?
Posted 12:44 PM, 11/13/2009
Chaz2008
the other possibility is that he's just a nice guy and a good teacher and coach who truly wants to have a POSITIVE impact on young lives (as a good teacher should)with no bad intentions whatsoever. You need more information before you take the accusation approach. Dont listen to all these morons on here who always think negative. Be a Realist, not a Reactionist.
Posted 01:23 PM, 11/13/2009
Scholes
MikeP, No need to the get the school involved, just embarass him and he'll stop. Don't get the guy in a sex offender registry when he could just be lonely and kind of a loser.
Posted 01:33 PM, 11/13/2009
towman
Confused in South Park, Chef is just trying to find out how many girls will be there to enjoy his big brown meatballs.
Posted 02:03 PM, 11/13/2009
phillygoat
Did the mom confirm these texts are from the dad/coach, or could they be from the coach's daughter using the dad's phone?
Posted 04:18 PM, 11/13/2009
WWTDD
Someone really needed to write a letter to Ask Amy to find out whether her 13 year old daughter should have off the field contact with a married 40 year old man? What an idiot!
Posted 04:53 PM, 11/13/2009
JoeMammas
Does this mean the coach has to cancel the softball team's lingerie calendar photo shoot in Cabo?
Posted 05:09 PM, 11/13/2009
puddydawg
MikeP by the time you get through all of that your grandchild will be having his/her first birthday. Take charge, grow set, stop worrying about hurting your daughter, he is the one who wants to hurt your daughter. Do your job. BTW I have three teenagers so I know what I am saying.
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