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Posted on Mon, Nov. 2, 2009


Ask Amy: Don't try to tempt married lady friend

By Amy Dickinson

Dear Amy: I have a longtime lady friend whom I also work with. She got married just over a year ago.

Her husband ran away a couple of times for days at a time while they were dating and during their engagement.

They have a child together, and she feels she might have gone through with the wedding only because of their kid.

There has always been a connection between us, and it has come to the surface that there may be feelings there from both parties.

I am close to her husband as well. I don't want to feel as if I'm trying to steal her away from him, because I am also divorced and had my wife stolen from me by a guy.

I'd like to know if it's OK to try to have a relationship with her.

- Lonely Guy

Dear Lonely: Getting married for the sake of a child isn't such a bad reason to tie the knot.

Your friend is responsible for her own choices. You shouldn't trivialize her choices, and she shouldn't use you as a motivation to leave her marriage.

Your friend's judgment will be clouded if you reveal your feelings for her. You are also at risk of doing the very thing you claim destroyed your own marriage.

You seem to be asking my permission to move in on these friends and interfere with their marriage.

Sorry, permission denied.

Dear Amy: I had a cordial but not close relationship with my father's sister, who lived in a different part of the country.

When my aunt passed away, I wrote a note of condolence to her loving husband, whom I've met only once or twice and haven't seen in 20 years. Several months later, when Christmas rolled around, I sent a photo card of my kids, like I always did when my aunt was alive, but I wrote a note on the back with a few kind words.

Now Christmas is rolling around again, and I can't decide whether I should continue to send this man, who barely knows me and has never met my children, a Christmas card/photo.

- Nice Niece

Dear Niece: There's nothing quite like watching a group of children who are complete strangers grow up via their holiday pictures. It's like viewing a slide show in extreme slow motion.

Your aunt's husband no doubt knows who you are, even if he doesn't know you well, so you should send your card.

Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to "Ask Amy," Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
Comments   
Posted 03:44 AM, 11/02/2009
phillyjeffsr
Why is this dreck in a newspaper?
Posted 09:08 AM, 11/02/2009
Wolflh
LW#1: Why didn't you tell her how you felt about her before she got married? Since you didn't, back off now. It is not fair to her to become emotionally close now and lead her to believe there is someone more suited for her, who would make a much better husband. Maybe you were attracted to her in the first place because you knew she was not available.
Posted 05:51 PM, 11/02/2009
JimmyCaan
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted 04:37 PM, 11/03/2009
MikeP
Marrying for a kid's sack is a good idea????? Sounds like a recipe for divorce. What idiotic advice.
Posted 06:43 PM, 11/03/2009
sweetkitten111
I agree with MikeP. I don't think marrying for the sake of children is smart either.
Posted 07:14 PM, 11/03/2009
MD20202020
I always liked this stuff.
Posted 12:05 AM, 11/04/2009
Delaware Jim
Marrying for the kids' sake is a recipe for disaster. And believe me, the kid will suffer. The advice given in this column is more suited for the 1940s than for today. Being a single mom is no longer a scandal.
Posted 04:42 PM, 11/04/2009
footlooseman
phillyjeffsr Why is this dreck in a newspaper? LOL!!!!
8 comments
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