Posted on Wed, Oct. 28, 2009
Dear Amy: My teenage daughter and her cousins have a 40-year-old aunt who has a Facebook page. This aunt routinely posts baby pictures of the kids, and frequently comments on their pages, writing on their "walls" and interjecting into their communication with their peers.
Not only are the kids embarrassed by the pictures of them their aunt has posted, but also they do not like their aunt being a part of their social network via the Internet.
One niece has blocked this aunt and another has refused to "friend" her, but my daughter is too intimidated to block her aunt.
How should these children respectfully get their aunt to stop checking on them via Facebook, short of blocking her?
Talking with her is futile; she already knows her nieces and nephews are offended by her comments and postings, and this has not stopped her.
Dear Too Old: There are plenty of middle-age people capable of navigating on Facebook, but the experience is easier for everyone if the older generation accepts that Facebook "rules" are dictated by people who want to be able to reveal all - but don't want anyone else to violate their "privacy."
It's tricky.
If this aunt wants to play with the kids, she's going to have to suffer the slings and arrows of adolescence, right along with them.
They've tried to be respectful, and she has not complied. They should refuse to "friend" - or block - her. A block is a wordless wall of virtual bricks. Blocking is not impolite; it's neutral.
If the aunt in question wants to find out why she has been blocked, she can ask.
While I do feel that all of the teenagers involved here should be able to tolerate a small amount of virtual cheek-pinching, the adult should think about how she would feel if someone posted her baby pictures on the Web without her permission.
The young family members might be able to handle this by sending their aunt a friendly, funny video, telling her that they're blocking her from Facebook - but saying that they look forward to letting her torture them in person over the holidays.
Dear Amy: Our daughter is maid of honor at the wedding of one of her best friends. Her mother and I are invited to the wedding and reception. This daughter was a bridesmaid at another friend's wedding a few months ago. We were not invited to this wedding or reception. My wife was surprised. Is it standard practice for the parents of bridesmaids, or for that matter ushers, to be invited to the weddings?
Dear Dad: Despite the perception that weddings are supposed to be run according to a set of prescribed guidelines, there is little about a wedding that conforms to any "standard practice."
If the bride and groom consider you and your wife to be close friends of the family, you will be invited - your status as parents of attendants notwithstanding.
Parents should not presume that an invitation will be offered based on their relationship to the attendant. It's their relationship to the marrying couple that counts.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to "Ask Amy," Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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