Posted on Mon, Oct. 26, 2009
Dear Amy: I have a really great friend whose mother passed away last year.
I recently discovered that my friend's father has been having an affair for more than 10 years, but my friend doesn't know this because he keeps it hidden from her.
My friend wants her father to find another woman, but her father has lied to her by saying he is not ready to get back in the dating game.
Should I tell her, or should I keep it hidden from her, hoping that she figures it out herself?
I don't want to become involved with or interfere with her relationship with her father.
Dear Friend: If you don't want to become involved or interfere, then don't.
You should not go to any extraordinary lengths to keep this from your friend, nor should you go out of your way to inform her.
If your friend asks you, "Is my father having an affair?" you should not lie to her. If your friend's father wants to lie to her, then that's his unfortunate business.
Dear Amy: Monica wrote and said she objected to being called "Mom" by medical personnel during her hospital stay and now at her children's pediatric appointments.
I think you are both missing the point.
Of utmost importance to the staff at a dental or medical office with a 2-year-old and 5-year-old in the chair are the comfort, trust and rapport they establish with their young patients.
Calling their mother "Mom" is a way to connect with the children. It's about them, not her.
Dear "Mom": You make an excellent point - that referring to a parent as "Mom" or "Dad" during appointments with children could put them at ease.
However, this doesn't excuse the practice of referring to people as "Mom" or "Dad" in other contexts and when the kids aren't even in the room.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to "Ask Amy," Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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