Ask Amy: Family insist on using hated name

Dear Amy:

My parents named me after a nickname used by my grandmother. It is an unusual name, and I have been ridiculed throughout my childhood, teenage years and into adulthood.

I legally changed my name and took my middle name as my first name 11/2 years ago, when I was 25. I feel good about the change. I dealt with a lot of anger and depression over the years from being made fun of over my name.

My parents and sister refuse to call me anything other than my original name. They introduce me to friends by this name, and continue to call me by it in front of family and friends, who then call me by that name, too.

I have told them that I don't like this, but they say I need to grow a thicker skin and they will never call me anything different. I don't know what to do other than cut off all communication with them.

Dear Nicknamed: Unfortunately, your family members have basically declared to you that they don't respect your wishes, preferences or needs, so you are going to have to make a choice about how much of this you can tolerate.

Your name has caused you a lifetime of problems, and your family members are either dismissing your concerns because they don't understand how important this is - or they are bullies whose message to you is that they and not you get to decide who you are.

I hesitate to suggest that you cut off all communication, but you may want to minimize contact with them until you can see this as a reflection on them - not you.

You should also continue to correct them very matter-of-factly when they introduce you incorrectly.

Over time, your legal name will prove "stickier" than this nickname.