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Ask Amy: Upset by mom's fights with dad

Dear Amy: I am 10 years old and my parents are divorced. My mother remarried, and I have a stepfather.

My mother often calls my father and fights with him.

I love her more than anyone, but she runs to me for support and I don't want to give it to her. I feel as if she wants me to take sides.

I feel as if I am stuck in the middle of this situation.

How do I get out?

- Confused and Upset

Dear Confused: Your mother should never put you in the middle of her personal issues with your dad.

Furthermore, even though they are divorced, the same rule that applies to all parents should also apply to them: Do not fight in front of the kids!

Your mother should also learn that asking you to take sides is not fair to you.

You need to have the best possible relationship with both of your parents. That's why they must try harder to work out their problems without involving you.

I'm going to suggest that you do a difficult thing and tell your mom exactly how you feel about this. After you explain, you'll have to ask her to do things differently.

It can be hard for a child to ask a parent to behave differently, but you should try.

We parents learn new things from our kids every day - and your mother can learn from you.


Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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