Chick Wit: The Good Wife or The Dumb Wife?

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Teresa Giudice leaves Newark federal court on November 20, 2013 in Newark, New Jersey. The two of the stars of the Bravo television show "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" are appearing in court to face additional charges of bank fraud and loan application fraud in addition to original charges of defrauding lenders, illegally obtaining mortgages and other loans as well as allegedly hiding assets and income during a bankruptcy case. (Photo by Kena Betancur/Getty Images)

Things just got real for the Real Housewives.

As you may have heard, Joe Giudice and his wife, Teresa, who is one of the Real Housewives of New Jersey on Bravo, are going to jail for bankruptcy fraud.

I'm going to miss Teresa, whose lack of anger management was a thing of beauty. She famously turned over a table in anger, and I don't know a single woman in the world who hasn't dreamed of doing that, or at least being the kind of woman who would do that, on impulse.

By the way, when she flipped the table, she yelled "prostitution whore," which is a great thing to yell at any time.

Try it and see.

At home.

Not in the library.

Everybody made fun of Teresa because it wasn't the most literate phrase, but to be fair, English isn't her first language, and in any event, you need to have fun in life. So when you're about to turn over a table in a blind rage, feel free to scream whatever noun combination you can come up with.

For example, flip a table and yell "bankruptcy fraud."

It's fun.

I also think Teresa and Joe deserve to go to jail for perpetuating Italian American stereotypes. I'm proud of my Italian American heritage, which is as plain as the nose on my face.

Mother Mary always liked to say that we got more oxygen than anybody else in the room.

She's always with me in spirit, especially when I breathe in.

Anyway, I hate it when an Italian American does something bad, whether it's a crime like bankruptcy fraud or a simple error in judgment, like not marrying me.

I'm talking to you, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, and Bradley Cooper, whose mother is Italian American.

For us, that counts.

In fact, if you like Italian food, you're Italian to us.

We're liberal in our interpretation.

We take all comers.

Especially Bradley Cooper.

Also we need new team members.

To replace the ones who go to jail.

Just kidding.

Anyway, I cringed when I saw that Joe Giudice had committed tax fraud, because it was a trend that Al Capone started, and people are going to get the idea that Italian Americans don't pay their taxes, which will mean that they think I don't pay my taxes, and I will never get the credit I deserve for paying every last penny and then some.

I pay my taxes, people.

Finally, I admit, I feel bad for the true victims of the Giudices, their four young daughters. It's never a good thing when mom is going to jail for over a year and dad for about four years. The court staggered their sentences, so that Teresa can go to jail after Christmas, and then her husband will serve his time after she returns.

You might think the timing is a sweet deal, granted because of their TV fame, and you might be right.

So, Bravo!

I watched Teresa being interviewed on TV with her husband, Joe, and her defense was that she signed whatever he put in front of her without reading it first.

Was she the Good Wife?

Or the Dumb Wife?

As a result, she's no longer a Housewife.

To be honest, she is not the first woman who has made that mistake.

I've even done it, and I'm a lawyer.

So ladies, have we learned our lesson?

I have.

We don't want to be seen as Only The Wife anymore, and we can't have it both ways.

We can live blissfully, just not blissfully ignorant.

 


Look for Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella's latest humorous essay book, "Have a Nice Guilt Trip," in stores now. Also, look for Lisa's next Rosato & DiNunzio novel, "Betrayed," coming Nov. 25.

Lisa@scottoline.com.