Sideshow: Jonah Hill and Justin Bieber, penitent together . . .

If you're Jonah Hill, you might be wishin' you'd kept your burrito chute zipped. Irritated by a pair o' paparazzis dogging him 'round L.A. and commenting on his fetching floral-print shorts, Jonah invited one to perform an intimate act. It was, it says here, "a homophobic slur," and Jonah, a vociferous supporter of gay rights, went on both Howard Stern's show and Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show to apologize. . . . Justin Bieber, caught in a six-year-old video being dumbly racist (not the first time!), probably also wishes his 14-year-old self had had a brain cell. He has also apologized, and folks like Floyd Mayweather and Soulja Boy have defended him.

Ghost Stories by Brit quartet Coldplay is again No. 1 atop the Billboard albums chart, selling a sleepy 83,000 units. No. 2 is Brantley Gilbert's Just as I Am, with a sleepier 65K. The big news, sadly, is No. 3, Mariah Carey's Me. I Am Mariah . . . The Elusive Chanteuse, with 58K, her smallest non-holiday debut since Nielsen SoundScan started keeping records in 1991. The rest of the 10: (4) Frozen soundtrack, with barely 58K: (5) The Secret, by Austin Mahone, 46K; (6) Now 50, 41K; (7) Xscape, by Michael Jackson, 35K; (8) Turn Blue , by the Black Keys, 32K; (9) Neon Steeple, by Crowder, 22K; and (10) The New Classic, by Iggy Azalea, 18K. As for the singles chart, Azalea's "Fancy," featuring Charli XCX, is No. 1, and Iggy's also on Ariana Grande's "Problem," at No. 2.       

Miranda Lambert's plane had to make an emergency landing en route to Nashville. . . . Jefra Bland (Survivor) has wed Jared Hines. . . . The bitter and long child custody battle between Bethenny Frankel and estranged hub Jason Hoppy has been settled confidentially. . . . Hayden Panettiere, whose plans to wed enormous Wladimir Klitschko have run afoul of the turmoil in Ukraine, is at least pregnant, says E! News. . . . The latest episode of Game of Thrones was an eye-popper. . . . Ashton Kutcher and his enormously pregnant fiancee Mila Kunis had a "babymoon" at the La Taha'a Island Resort & Spa in French Polynesia. . . . Is there a Polynesian France?