Tell Me About It: Avoiding generalizations

Question: I'm in my mid-20s, steady job, returned Peace Corps volunteer, avid traveler, active social life, ambitious, and I like to think, at least kind of attractive. Maybe I could lose a few, but whatever.

I'm also really funny, and I'm not saying this to be arrogant, it's just always been a trait of mine, and I think it's starting to become detrimental.

I can't get a date! I have no problem talking to men, including ones I find attractive, and I'm a pretty confident person, but I think my sense of humor makes me unsexy. It feels like everyone wants to be my friend, but no one wants to become romantically involved.

My friends like to reassure me that a lot of men are "intimidated" by strong, confident women, but I think they're just saying that to make me feel better. Do I have to change who I am to get a boyfriend? Yuck! What should I do?

Answer: You know I won't advise changing yourself. Becoming someone else to get a guy means remaining someone else to keep the guy - plus, you'd be doing all this work for someone who doesn't think funny is sexy. Talk about pearls before swine.

So be the most patient, internally self-improved version of yourself that you can muster. If it helps dispose you more warmly toward the idea of delayed gratification, consider that where others are kissing frogs, you're gathering punch lines - a legitimate public service.


E-mail Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.