Tell Me About It: More on Mom's snarky comments

Adapted from recent online discussions after

a reader asked how to respond to his mother's jabs at his wife, who

works full time as an ob-gyn physician.

Comment: Um, shouldn't he also have a private conversation with his mother to explain that he will not tolerate these little jabs?

Answer: Only if talks break down at the great bilateral cats-and-

dogs summit I advised. When you can't fix the source of the jabs, then yes, you try to fix the fact of them.

Comment: Are the couple sure they're not indirectly disparaging the mother's choices or devaluing the work she did? For example, comments that imply that an ob-gyn's time is too valuable to spend on housework.

Answer: Possible, thanks, though it wouldn't be unprecedented if the mother took the mere fact of the different choices as a rejection of hers.

Comment: In an age-appropriate (and nonangry) way, the reader should explain to his children why his mother says the things she does, how times change, and how every family has to make the right decisions for them. He might even add that when they have homes of their own, the way they were raised might look outdated and unfamiliar. (No talking robots, for example.) Life is about the freedom to make the right choices for ourselves and our families.

Answer: Good teaching moment, thanks. And if the robot cooks chickens, then I want mine now - with an "off" switch for the talking.

Comment: My mother worked as a schoolteacher for my entire childhood (1960s). In my high school graduating class, I can remember only one true stay-at-home mom. That parent model has never been the only model in the United States, and the writer's mother needs to realize that.

Answer: Thanks. Many women, though, were steered into "pink-collar" work, which helped preserve the worldview that women were society's helpers and nurturers.