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Steve and Mia: Dad faced with a sticky situation

Q: I am a worried dad. My 16-year-old son is a good kid. Very much into sports and an honor student. My wife has gotten sick of telling him to clean up his bedroom. He ignored my wife's pleas as well as mine. Several days ago, I decided to clean it myself

Q: I am a worried dad. My 16-year-old son is a good kid. Very much into sports and an honor student. My wife has gotten sick of telling him to clean up his bedroom. He ignored my wife's pleas as well as mine. Several days ago, I decided to clean it myself and put all his soiled clothes in a trash bag. As I was working, I discovered over 40 pairs of socks under his bed that were obviously used to clean himself up after masturbating. I think my son has some type of fetish and do not know how to approach him. I have not told my wife.

Steve: Time to have that father-son chat about sex, in case you haven't already. The socks may be a fetish or they could just be convenient. In any event, masturbation is normal. But in the interest of reducing your washer's workload, suggest he use a box of tissues.

Mia: Stop rooting around in your son's room. The kid's doing well in school, so that should be enough. If you can't stand to look at his mess, close the door. You can deep clean the entire space once he's enrolled at Princeton or Penn. And stop buying socks. Maybe he's not the only one with a weird compulsion.

Q: I had an affair with a married man when I was in my 20s. This relationship produced two daughters. I managed to raise two very secure daughters alone. I impressed on them that having a man in your life was the icing on the cake, not the eggs that make it. If my girls choose to have a man in their lives, it is something extra, not necessary.

This may have caused problems, as men need to feel needed. My daughters tell me that men dump them when it becomes apparent that they are not necessary, just something extra. I also raised them to believe sex is a biological function and sexual gratification is not love. Did I totally screw this up?

Steve: This reminds me of the old feminist slogan, "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." For better or worse (so to speak) most men and women do need each other.

I suspect things aren't working out because:

1) Some men they meet want to call the shots and these gals won't let them; or,

2) Other men they meet are too insecure for a relationship with a strong, independent woman.

You didn't screw anything up. They will eventually find secure, respectful, independent men who fit them just right.

Mia: Only a loser is intimidated by a strong, independent woman. Urge your girls to stick to their principles and not to dummy themselves down for any man. They'll find their Prince Charmings soon enough.