Sideshow: Gaga goes gaga over Harry

"HOLY MOTHER HARRY LOOKS FIT." So Lady Gaga tweets. (Fit? Sexual slang for "hot," "sexy.") The Lady was talking about Prince "Helicopter" Harry's naked frame, which was caught on camera during a recent game of strip billiards in Las Vegas. The photos were widely admired around the globe. We think they'll spark renewed interest in the royal family. Buckingham Palace, however, is not amused. An unnamed Harry pal tells Us Weekly "this was not the type of fun he was supposed to be having. He's in trouble."

Yep: Harry, who is third in line for the British throne, has been rushed back to England by handlers who mumbled something about there being a "security risk."

Harry, a captain in the army, could be hit with a dishonorable discharge, but that's not likely to happen.

Many admire the shots. "I'm shocked and disgusted by the Prince Harry party photos in Vegas," says CNN's Anderson Cooper. "Why the hell wasn't I invited????"

Recovered yet from those shocking and inaccurate reports that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake got married behind our backs? Chin up. We're getting ever closer to the real wedding: Biel, 30, has found a designer for her fairy-tale princess gown. Life & Style Weekly says Elie Saab will have that honor. Saab, 48, a self-taught fashion artist, was born to Maronite Catholic parents in Beirut, and launched her Beirut-based fashion line at the tender age of 18. She has dressed Beyoncé, Emma Watson, and Victoria, Crown Princess of Sweden.

Germantown Academy grad Bradley Cooper will be back in his old stompin' grounds Monday. He'll be in town to stride confidently, winningly, beautifully along the red carpet for the premiere of his new pic, The Words, at the Prince Music Theater at 6:45 p.m.-ish. He'll be accompanied by the film's writing-directing duo Brian Klugman and Lee Sternthal, and producers Tatiana Kelly and Jim Young. Costars Olivia Wilde, Zoe Saldana and Jeremy Irons will be there in spirit, if not in flesh. Alas, the premiere screening is closed to the public. The pic premieres Sept. 7.

The delightful star and philanthrope Gwyneth Paltrow is teaming up with Tenth Planet Productions' Joel Gallen to produce the third annual Stand Up to Cancer charity benefit TV special set to be telecast Sept. 7 simultaneously on nine TV outlets, including the four major networks and cablers E!, HBO, Showtime, TBS, and VH1.

Music will be doled out by Taylor Swift, Coldplay, Alicia Keys, and Tim McGraw, while star presence will be dished out by Julia Roberts, Matt Damon, Jessica Biel, Samuel L. Jackson, Seth Rogen, Emma Stone, Simon Baker, Chelsea Handler, Joe Manganiello, and others.

American thesps aren't really equipped to do period drama, says Julian Fellowes, genius creator-writer of Downton Abbey, which returns for a third season in January on PBS.

"Our actors have an understanding of period - for Europeans, the past is very much in them as well as the present. Americans find it harder," JF said recently. "There is something about period drama where they tend to go to a strange place . . . where people wear funny clothes. Whereas our actors . . . make it very real." He said there are exceptions: series star Elizabeth McGovern, who plays Cora, and a new addition, Shirley MacLaine, 78, who'll play her mum. The new season will feature a costumed smackdown between MacLaine and the indomitable Maggie Smith, who plays Cora's mum-in-law.

Canadian warbler Avril Lavigne, 27, whose engagement to Nickelback's Chad Kroeger, 37, on Monday made headlines across the Americas, has revealed that Chad proposed to her armed with a 14-carat rock. That's really big.

The couple first explored the possibility of coupling when they joined musical forces in February to work on Avril's fifth studio album. He helped her write. She stared soulfully at him. Things took their course.

"I knew I was falling for her," Kroeger tells Hello! Canada. "It was incredibly powerful and something I'll never forget."

Georgia rapper 2 Chainz (Tauheed Epps to God and the angels) scores big on the charts this week with his debut studio LP, Based on a T.R.U. Story, which debuted on the Billboard album chart at No. 1, selling 147,000 copies, according to Nielsen SoundScan.

The Now 43 compilation falls a rung to No. 2 with 75,000. Rick Ross' God Forgives, I Don't is in third place with 43,000.

In other chart news, Taylor Swift's new tune, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," sold 623,000 downloads in its first week according to Nielsen SoundScan to become the biggest digital one-week sale ever.

No greater a sage than Oprah Herself has pronounced pay cabler Starz's political drama Boss, which stars Kelsey Grammer, Kathleen Robertson, and Connie Nielsen, her "new favorite show." O's chat with Grammer is set to be telecast Aug. 26. . . . Got a few grand to spend? Luxe ocean liner Queen Mary 2 will host an auction of Greta Garbo stuff during its ocean crossing Nov. 20. Info: 1-800-728-6273 or www.cunard.com. . . . Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's daughter Vivienne Jolie-Pitt, 4, twin to Knox, has landed her first movie role. She'll play Princess Aurora as a child opposite her mother in Maleficent. . . . Kyra Sedgwick's farewell episode on TNT's The Closer drew 9.1 mil viewers Monday, its second-best number and the No. 3 program last week on cable or network, says USA Today. . . . Singer and Oscar-winning thesp Jennifer Hudson  is launching an eponymous fashion line on QVC. . . . TMZ says Kanye West is in negotiations to join American Idol as a judge. A source says Kanye wants what Mariah Carey is being paid ($18 mil). No word on whether the show will have to rent a bigger TV studio to fit Kanye's ego.

Here's a chance for homegrown men and women to vie for a spot on TV and the opportunity to win amazing consumer products! Drew Carey-hosted The Price Is Right will hold open casting calls on Aug. 28 at 2 p.m. at the Casino at Delaware Park in Wilmington. Applications at www.CBSPhilly.com.