Sideshow: Has Kutcher quit on Demi?

Ashton Kutcher, family man-turned-orgy-addled modern Caligula, has moved out of his matrimonial home, abandoning his 48-year-old wife, G.I. Jane star Demi Moore. So claims Life & Style Weekly, which says the couple's six-year marriage is all but over amid allegations that Ashton, 33, marked his wedding anniversary with adulterous saturnalia, the likes of which haven't been seen since ancient Rome.

The report comes hours after Star mag published pics allegedly taken at the orgy. They show Ashton, Sara Leal, 23, and two other women having a riotous time. Sara is shown using a plastic water pipe, known by hepcat stoner types as a bong. There has been nary a peep from either Ashton or Demi, except for a few cryptic tweets from Ashton, including this one from Monday: "I wish the news would just tell me what happened instead of what it thinks I should think about what happened."

Question is, what will happen now?

In a shocking, heretofore unimaginable confession, Kristen Stewart tells GQ she does have a beau . . . and he's English. Isn't her Twilight costar, dreamy-broody dark horse Robert Pattinson, who plays broody-dreamy Edward . . . English? Are they together?

KStew never said it. But she comes close.

Asked to clarify her statement that her bf is a Brit, the beauty says, "So much of my life is so easily googled. I mean, it's like, come on guys, it's so obvious." Wait, so does that mean she is, or isn't, with Rob?

First lady Michelle Obama on Tuesday will lead hundreds of school children at the South Lawn of the White House in a daring attempt to set a new Guinness World Record for the most people doing jumping jacks in a 24-hour period.

Led by National Geographic Kids, the project will only succeed if more than 20,000 people around the world join her and her pint-size compadres, says the Associated Press. Kids of the world, unite! And jump, jump, jump . . . .

Does Nicolle Wallace's satirical novel It's Classified . . . mock, lambaste, and generally pooh-pooh former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin? Well, kind of, Wallace, a former George W. Bush aide, tells Time mag. The novel features a vice president named Tara Meyers who has trouble fulfilling her duties. "The idea of a mentally ill vice president who suffers in complete isolation was obviously sparked by the behaviors I witnessed by Sarah Palin," says Wallace, who worked as a Palin adviser in the 2008 elections. Adds Wallace, "Let me just say that the novel is by no means meant to build a case against Sarah Palin."

In another odd discussion about Sarah Palin, Fox News Channel honcho Roger Ailes tells the Associated Press he did not hire Palin as a Fox commentator because of Fox's supposed conservative bias.

"I hired Sarah Palin," he says, "because she was hot and got ratings."

Song-and-dance stage man turned lupine superhero Hugh Jackman, 42, tells People he and wife Deborra-Lee Furness have a total "no screen" policy for their two children, Oscar, 11, and Ava, 6.

"A buddy of mine has a rule that I installed: No screens during the week. No TV, or computer, or anything like that," Wolverine says.

Dancing With the Stars castoff Kristin Cavallari, 24, and Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, 28, who broke off their engagement in July, are together again, says Us Weekly.

We imagine that in KardashianLand this is quite an amazing feat: Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are still married after a whole month! So moved by this milestone were the two Ks, they decided to celebrate it by renewing their vows - on TV! They did the deed on Ellen DeGeneres' gabshow Wednesday, with Ellen officiating.

"We're gathered her today because we were the 300 people who weren't invited to the wedding," Ellen joked. I'm choking up.

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi, who exchanged wedding vows in 2008, share a really nice house in Beverly Hills. You can see how nice in the new issue of Architectural Digest, which has a loving, almost pornographic profile and photo layout of the three-acre compound which houses object d'art by Andy Warhol and Jean-Michel Basquiat.

Will and Jada Pinkett Smith's lil' girl, Willow, is making inroads into music recording: The 10-year-old has posted a music vid, "Epiphany." She was inspired to write it during ballet class. "That song is the first song I've ever written," Willow says. "I'm not sure if I'm going to put it on the album, but I just wanted you guys' input in how it is. . . . I'm very excited and I just want you guys to love it."

Scottish sensation Susan Boyle, who has a few years on Willow, has posted her vid for "Have to Be There," penned by Abba's Bjorn Ulvaeus and Benny Andersson. Boyle sang it last month on America's Got Talent.

Women's apparel chain Chico's has hired Woody Allen survivor Diane Keaton, 65, to sell you on the brand. "You know what I like about Chico's? They are who they are. Individual. (Like me). And incredibly expressive," says Keaton, 65, in the press release, excerpted by USA Today. "Plus, they have all these great pieces to make your own." Dude, I'm so there.

The New York Post says Eddie Murphy will make a surprise appearance on Saturday Night Live this weekend which will be hosted by his Tower Heist costar Ben Stiller.

No man is an island, 17th-century rocker John Donne said. Guess that's why Pink Floyd's Roger Waters partnered with Shakira to buy the Caribbean island of Bonds Cay. The duo, who shelled out $16 mil for the place, plan to turn it into a resort.