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Touch 'Em All: Bank on it: Winners, losers, grandstanders

Three hours before Sunday night's Game 2 of the Phillies-Cardinals NL division series, fans were already piled deep at the Citizens Bank Park entrances.

Three hours before Sunday night's Game 2 of the Phillies-Cardinals NL division series, fans were already piled deep at the Citizens Bank Park entrances.

The problem with getting there that early is that you can only spend so much time eating and watching BP. So here are a few suggestions about how those people might have passed the long pregame hours:

Hang around outside and soothe the frayed psyches of lingering Eagles fans with a kind word, a beer, or a noose.

Stop by the WPHT-AM (1210) radio booth and let Ricky Bottalico know that of all the relievers on last-place 1990s Phillies teams, he was your favorite.

Take off your gloves and parka and have a frozen yogurt. The Yogen Fruz, by the way, is heart-healthy. Unfortunately, if you also have a Schmitter, the dairy treat's benefits are negated for 11 months.

You can get your face painted, as long as you don't find it too disconcerting to have someone ask if you "want a P on your face."

Linger in the long line at Chickie's & Pete's and try to decipher why people would wait in line to eat their crab fries.

Provide some emotional support for the poor rock band that, no matter how loudly it played at their south entrance station, was totally ignored.

Watch them slow-cook the beef, pork, and turkey at Bull's BBQ and then ask an employee if they'll reimburse you to dry-clean your jacket, which by then reeks of burned charcoal and will for months.

Test your fastball's speed at the Citizens Bank radar-machine booth, then apply for a loan there to cover your orthopedic surgery.

Sit in left field and try to catch a BP home run. Beware: Almost everyone is wearing a Phillies jersey, so when someone yells, "Heads up, Lee!" hundreds of people duck.

If you can gain access, walk the halls of the Hall of Fame Club. Be sure to look for the wall photo of the Hall's original inductees. Try to determine how Eddie Collins, with those ears, kept from tipping over.

Marchin' home mad

Those early arriving fans encountered packs of die-hard Eagles fans who, still dazed and angry, roamed the parking lots like the ragged vestiges of a defeated army.

You could hear their boozy laments as they passed, their words trailing off into silent frustration.

"Reid's got to go! I'm sick of him and . . . "

"I'll bet Akers is laughing his [butt] off. What an idiot . . ."

"They ain't ever gonna win a Super Bowl. Not until . . ."

Tale of Two Cities

Interestingly, exactly 80 years ago Sunday, two other baseball teams from Philadelphia and St. Louis met in the postseason.

On Oct. 2, 1931, the Cardinals' Wild Bill Hallahan shut out the Philadelphia A's, 2-0, in Game 2 of the World Series. Pepper Martin's stolen bases in the second and seventh innings set up both runs, as the Wild Horse of the Osage scored on a bunt and a sacrifice fly.

Eight days later, St. Louis avenged its loss in the previous year's Series by besting Philadelphia in Game 7, which for some reason was played in a half-empty Sportsman's Park in St. Louis.

Those A's and these Phils had much in common. Both had a player named Doc (Cramer and Halladay). Both teams won 100-plus games. Both had a big-bopping first-baseman (Jimmie Foxx and Ryan Howard). Both had popular managers.

The Phils, however, hope their future is brighter. Connie Mack's A's never got back to the postseason, and left Philadelphia in 1954.

Game 2 limerick

Game 1 turned around thanks to Howard

Who made Lohse look just like a coward.

Soft changes he threw up

(A big pitching screw-up)

As St. Louie's hopes Ryan sure soured.

Phillies song?

Watching a Liverpool-Everton soccer match before Game 1, I was struck by how those fans seemed to be both comforted and enthused by the team song they occasionally broke into.

Why can't Phillies fans, content at last after decades of angst, have one? And if they did, what might it be?

How about:

"All the Way,"

"Autumn in New York,"

"The Best I Ever Had,"

"It Was a Very Good Year," or anything by the Four Aces.

Touch

5 THINGS OVERHEARD BEFORE GAME 2

1"Man, I'm gonna need a lot of ibuprofen tonight."

2 "I was gonna get here really early, but the Eagles [ticked] me off so bad I decided to go to the bar instead."

3"She had plastic surgery, then she divorced me. And I still had to pay for the plastic surgery."

4Curious fan to a young man wearing a red spandex body suit that covered even his face: "How can you see out of that?"

"I can see five, six feet in front of me," the Spandex wearer said as he rode the escalator to the upper level.

5Old man to old woman as they walked Ashburn Alley's Memory Lane: "See this guy? I seen this guy when I was a kid. I think."

5 THINGS NOT OVERHEARD BEFORE GAME 2

1"I think we can safely assume after Miss America's national anthem that the talent competition is no longer part of that contest."

2"Personally, I hope Andy Reid coaches the Eagles forever."

3"What's the odds this game will be over in time for me to catch Dexter at 10?

4"Does Tony La Russa dye his hair?"

5"Love these 8:37 starts."