Ask Amy: How big a do for second wedding?

By Amy Dickinson

Dear Amy: I am a 28-year-old divorced mother of one.

Six years ago, I was married in a very traditional wedding ceremony that included a 200-person reception, white dress and all the extras. The marriage lasted only two years.

I now have a boyfriend who has never been married.

We talk a lot about a future together, and I really believe he's the one.

The problem? He wants a big, traditional wedding, and I think that is tacky because I have been married before.

However, I do understand that he hasn't been, and I don't think it's fair that he suffer because of my past.

Is it OK for us to have a big second wedding?

What about the color of my dress? (I have told him it would have to be cream, but he says he wants white.)

Can I tell my relatives and friends that I do not want gifts, leaving the gift-giving to his side?

This is very confusing to me, and I would like to figure this out before any type of engagement, as I assume everyone will be asking me these questions!

- Second Time Around

Dear Second Time: It's fine and fun to have a big second wedding. (I had one recently myself, though I waited so long between marriages that the memories of the first wedding had grown very dim.)

You may not, however, ask one group of guests to bring gifts and another group of guests not to bring gifts. Also, you (not your guy) should decide on the color of your dress.

Wedding planning offers a grand opportunity for you and your guy to talk, negotiate and design the ideal way for you to join your two families.

Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

Comments

Posted 02:35 PM, 11/07/2009

kjuggs77

Forget what you heard...a large 2nd wedding is tacky and everybody there will be talking about it behind your back.

Posted 05:52 PM, 11/09/2009

whsmith

yup, tacky. people will also resent having to get gifts when they know you have a lot of the things that are usually given as gifts.

Posted 06:06 PM, 11/09/2009

karbase8

I wouldn't have a bridal shower as I think that would be tacky, most weddings I go to the gift is money and only a few gifts I would leave it up to the guests what they wish to do people are going to talk about you no matter what so I wouldn't worry about that but I wouldn't have a bridal shower unless his family wants to throw you one you except it graciously

Posted 11:48 PM, 11/09/2009

phillyguy36

Who's going to pay for the big wedding? I hope you don't expect the bride's family to foot the bill. Just plan a wedding that you can afford. I doubt any guests care that you were married before.