Godzilla growls at 3,000 rpm, a final warning to the foolhardy.
Press on in the bulked-up coupe, and that shimmering horizon to the west will soon fill your windshield in a brutal, blurring rush to speed.
Please, sir, may I make just one more run — as soon as I squeeze my spleen back into its designated slot?
As you probably know, Godzilla is just one of the nicknames affixed to the sullen, blocky 530-horsepower Nissan GT-R — an intense, eccentric Japanese-flavored super car that has earned each and every label.
I call it Big Twist.
Part cult car, part video-game star and part weekend racer, the GT-R is easily Nissan’s most interesting car and by far its rarest, with sales last year of just 1,294 in the United States.
For decades, it existed only in Japan as the Skyline GT-R, attracting worldwide acclaim from enthusiasts despite its loopy name.
Four years ago, on July 4, Nissan gave us a U.S. version of the GT-R complete with a massively turbocharged six-cylinder engine, track-oriented suspension and all-wheel drive.
Think of it as a Subaru WRX-STI that went stark-raving-in-the-night crazy after overdosing on steroids and weight lifting. How nuts, you might ask? Try 0 to 60 in 2.9 seconds, according to Nissan and Car and Driver.
The 2012 GT-R that recently arrived at The Daily Planet, coated in a fine shade of arrest-me-officer red, practically crackled with radioactivity.
Few would call the GT-R beautiful. Square and bulky, it sported front fenders with shoulders atop them that looked like Swiss ski ramps.
A long hood and massive grille added to its almost cartoonish sense of largeness — mitigated some by a great, sloping top.
Copper-colored Brembo/Nissan calipers glared from behind good-looking 20-inch gray wheels, shod with 255/40 tires up front and 285/35s in back.
My favorite view of the car — and the one other drivers will see most — was its thick rear end, relieved by four large round taillamps and dual exhaust outlets that appeared to be roughly six inches in diameter.
The GT-R exploded to life with one touch of a big red starter button on its large black-plastic console, idling initially at 1,200 rpm with a faint, alluring whine.
Various clunks and bangs drifted up from the floorboard — track-car sounds you will hear every morning before Big Twist warms up.
You probably won’t be terribly impressed by the black interior — it’s far more functional than beautiful — but it makes for a good work space.
The leather seats, for example, have supportive bolsters and grippy black suede centers, both of which you will need.
Hoods over the black-faced gauges — mainly a tachometer with a 7,000-rpm red line and a 220-mph speedometer — were stitched in smooth leather.
Much of the dashboard was black plastic, as were the door tops. In addition, the back seat was very tight even for me, and I’m not much bigger — sadly — than many sixth-graders these days. (What are those kids eating, by the way, chocolate-coated vitamins?)
But the GT-R had big visible gauges, a shifter for the dual-clutch automatic that was easy to reach and solid paddles on the steering wheel for speedy shifting. What else do you need?
Once the engine warmed up, which didn’t take long, it settled into a 700-rpm idle, still feeling pretty high-strung.
Also, the first few turns I made were accompanied by various whirs, clicks and grinds, probably from cold differentials.
You won’t go far before you start bouncing around, and it won’t be to some great Old 97’s song on the Nissan’s jukebox.
The double-wishbone front suspension and multilink rear are as stiff and unyielding as a Washington zealot, banging and shuddering over every bump on downtown Dallas’ moonscape streets.
