Is it OK for kids to text instead of talking to you?

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Instead of talking with you while you're chauffeuring them around, your kids are texting their friends. How do you get them to connect with you in the car?

PARENT ADVICE:

Occasionally, I will bring up something remarkable, funny or cute that they did as a younger child. This sparks some curiosity and usually leads to conversation about that and other things.

— Paula Nowak

Whether they are texting or not should depend on how long your car trips are. No one likes a sullen teenager, and maybe you're better off letting them text! If this is a morning trip, I would expect to be talked to, so that everyone knows what is happening for the day. If this is an afternoon trip and it's short, I would let them text. If this is an afternoon trip and it's long, I would want to talk — bring up topics that would be of interest: what's for dinner, their math teacher, vacation ideas.

— Marie Grass Amenta

If a parent really is serious about connecting with a child in the car, then the cell phone has to be turned off while in the car. I also would turn off my own cell phone along with the radio and CD player. One needs to make the atmosphere conducive to conversation.

— June Sopko

EXPERT ADVICE:

Show interest instead of annoyance when kids are texting, says Sharon Cindrich, author of "A Smart Girl's Guide to the Internet" (American Girl, $9.95). "Ask questions like these: 'How many of your friends text? Do kids text in school? What's the funniest net lingo abbreviation you've received? Can you send me a text?' Teens and tweens love being the expert. ... Some kids may shut down their own text conversation once you pry, but others will offer details — an open door."

If their texting is on the verge of rudeness, ask passengers to set the ringer to vibrate and require kids to put units in the glove compartment or a cup holder in the front of the car, she suggests. "Ring tones, beeps and buzzing can be distracting to drivers," Cindrich said. "Kids can get into the habit of being considerate passengers by adjusting their phone tones and setting cells aside."

As they surrender their mobiles, offer a snack, control over the radio or another privilege to help distract them from their texts.

If it's out of control, consider a blanket ban.

"Parents need to set the precedent that there will be no texting while in the car," said Mary Jo Rapini, co-author of "Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever" (Bayou Publishing, $14.95). This isn't just about conversation; it's about safety, she said, citing car accidents caused by texting drivers. Setting the no-texting precedent now may be an ounce of prevention when the children reach driving age.

To fuel conversation, start with what's in the news and ask how an older child feels about, say, the recent David Letterman scandal. Don't worry about whether your child expresses the "right" opinion. "You can learn a lot by listening and trying not to lecture," Rapini said.

If there is a family issue to discuss, get ideas from your child on how to approach it, Rapini said. "For example, what does your child think about trying to have three meals together each week?"

Children grow up healthier and with less "acting out," Rapini said, when they feel engaged with their family. "When children are not talked to by their parents, or they feel like their parents are out of touch with their lives, they become lonely and look for someone to fill that need," Rapini said.

So, it's OK to ask questions and set rules. "Tell your children that when they are in the car, phones are off and this is 'protected family time,' Rapini said. "They will moan and groan but inside will appreciate your keeping this time sacred."