Helping him stay on track

My brother and I recently received an inheritance after our mom died. He’s never been very good with money, so I was proud of him when he used his portion to pay off his debts. But then he went out and financed a van that I know he still can’t afford. I’m afraid he’s falling right back into the same old money problems, but I don’t know how to talk to him about it.

by Dave Ramsey, Syndicated columnist | Columnist, External

Published Dec. 9, 2014, 3:12 p.m. ET

Dear Dave,

We have three daughters under the age of 5, so we may be spending quite a bit on things like weddings in the years to come. Is there a Baby Step for weddings? If not, during which Baby Step do you recommend setting aside money for this?

Carrie

Dear Carrie,

I don’t have a Baby Step for weddings, but in my mind it would come after Baby Step 5, which is putting aside a college fund for your children. Once you have education savings, retirement and extra house payments underway, then you could start putting aside a little extra for weddings.

This may not make me popular with some young ladies or their moms, but an education is more important than a wedding. Maybe this is the dad in me coming out, but if I had to choose between paying for college educations and paying for big weddings, I’m going to pay for school. In my mind, anyone who disagrees with that is kind of a twit.

Weddings are wonderful, and you should mark these kinds of milestones with celebration. But a wedding is only a one-day event. Plus, there’s absolutely no statistical correlation between the size and expense of the wedding and the success of the marriage!

My brother and I recently received an inheritance after our mom died. He's never been very good with money, so I was proud of him when he used his portion to pay off his debts. But then he went out and financed a van that I know he still can't afford. I'm afraid he's falling right back into the same old money problems, but I don't know how to talk to him about it.

Diana

Dear Diana,

I've learned, after years of writing books, doing a radio show and trying to educate folks about their finances, you can't make people listen to you. Even with what I do for a living I don't throw my opinion around unless someone asks.

I think you're smart for realizing there are some boundaries here. But there's no reason you can't create a situation where he can ask your opinion. You might begin with talking about some of the mistakes you've made in the past. This could help him connect with you, and feel more comfortable opening up about his own situation. Once he realizes you haven't repeated the same mistakes, and have a better life for it, he might just ask how you did it. Then, the door is open!

But you can't become preachy every time someone does something dumb. That will only hurt their feelings and cause them to tune you out completely.

Dave

Dave Ramsey is America's trusted voice on money and business. He's authored four New York Times best-selling books: Financial Peace, More Than Enough, The Total Money Makeover and EntreLeadership. His newest book, written with his daughter Rachel Cruze, is titled Smart Money Smart Kids and is out now. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 6 million listeners each week on more than 500 radio stations. Follow Dave on Twitter at @DaveRamsey and on the web at daveramsey.com.