Harry Gross: Where there's a will, there's a weigh

DEAR HARRY: We are both in our late 70s, and we live in a retirement community in South Jersey. For the last six months, we have been considering making a will. We have a pretty substantial estate and no children. We do have nieces and nephews and two favorite charities that we want as heirs. We are faced with a number of dilemmas, especially regarding our nieces and nephews. One of our nieces has been particularly attentive. She helped us move, helped us get over the emotional stress of the move, always offers to shop for us, and does many other things. Her husband has a substantial income. Another niece has had illnesses, and neither she nor her husband do well financially. We hear from her rarely. The others are OK. To top it off, one of our charities is pushing us to go to its lawyer and name him as executor. We met him. He seemed competent, but we didn't like him.

WHAT HARRY SAYS: Don't be intimidated or misdirected by any potential heir. You might want to attend a free legal workshop for those who are disabled or older than 65, held by the Camden County Surrogate's Office. You'll get independent advice on wills, powers of attorney, and health-care directives. To deal with all this stuff, get a lawyer with whom you feel comfortable. The lawyer can help you decide who gets what upon your death, as well as who manages your estate as executor. Select a close friend who will know where to go for help if needed. Another friend can be a backup executor.