Will that "totally cool" hotel be too hip for me?

Came across a story from early this week that really made me laugh. It made me realize I'm one of those who needs to be very careful about booking the coolest, hippest new hotel in town. Will I be able to get up from the lobby lounge chairs, or be forced to roll off the edge? Am I wearing enough black? Do I know what new cocktail to order? Read all about the problem for us old-timers here.