Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Music to Scare the Neighbors

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Music to Scare the Neighbors

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Many thanks and many more chuckles to an e-mailer, who prefers to be identified only as "a devoted reader from Fishtown," for sending along the truly epic video below.

"You won't be able to get this out of your head after you watch it," he wrote.

So here's your only warning - watch this thing at your own risk.

Devoted Reader had read my column yesterday about Frankford's Marie DeLany, who says she coaxed drug dealers off her Frankford block by playing Christian music out her thrid-floor windows. 

Devoted reader also shared this hilarious anecdote, proving that not only Marie DeLany has figured out how sound can change the public environment:

"A frustrated friend I know in Holmesburg that was battling a neighbor across the street playing salsa music too loud (before 8AM on weekends) counteracted it with a playlist that included both Barry Manilow and Nine Inch Nails."

 "The stereo is a pretty powerful weapon to another acquaintance of mine who had two problems at once---noisy neighbors in the twin next door, and his landlord's realtor who would keep showing the property without giving any advance warning.  

" To solve both those problems, when he saw the realtor's car pull up in the driveway, he popped in a rather grotesque gay pornographic VHS tape in the VCR set to automatically reply the tape over and over, turned the volume on his amplifier to maximum, grabbed the car keys and went to Atlantic City for the day while the noisy neighbor and the real estate agent live it up.

 "The real estate agent never came back again to show the perpetually-always-for-sale house, and the neighbor fixed the problem with his subwoofers violently shaking the walls after that VHS tape ran on a Sunday for a solid 9 hours."

Daily News Columnist
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About this blog

When my phone rings here at the Daily News, nine times out of ten the caller begins the conversation with, “Yeah, so what happened was…”.

Because this is Philly, the caller doesn’t say, “My name is Bob” – or Mary – “and I wonder if I could have a moment of your time?” Philadelphians are too direct for that. They just say, “Yeah, so what happened was…”, and then tumble into a tale they think oughta be shared with a wider audience. I love getting these calls (even the ones where it becomes clear, after 30 seconds, where the caller sowed the seeds of his own misery), because they give me chance to connect with fellow citizens in a way that no other job allows. Well, okay, no other job for which I’m remotely qualified.

That’s why my blog is titled “So What Happened Was…”. To me, it’s the quintessentially Philly way of saying, “Once upon a time.” When I hear it, I know a good story is coming. And I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

Ronnie Polaneczky has been an award-winning columnist for The Philadelphia Daily News since 1999, offering a front-steps perspective on every aspect of city life, from the sublime to the stupid. In her past life, she was the editor-in-chief of Atlantic City Magazine, associate editor at Philadelphia Magazine and a fulltime freelancer published in Ladies Home Journal, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, Reader's Digest, Men's Health, MarieClaire and others. She lives with her husband, daughter and various pets in the city's Fairmount section, where she dreams of one day singing The National Anthem at an Eagles game. In addition to her column and blog, you can enjoy Ronnie's musings in podcast form here.


Read more from Ronnie Polaneczky at Earth to Philly, the Daily News blog on anything and everything "Green Reach Ronnie at polaner@phillynews.com.

Ronnie Polaneczky Daily News Columnist
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