Archive: September, 2013
SPOILER ALERT: Stop reading if you haven't finished Breaking Bad.
DOUBLE SPOILER ALERT: The New York Daily News doesn't understand what the hell a spoiler is because they went ahead and spoiled Breaking Bad for everyone who wasn't able to watch the series finale live.
If you missed the final episode of the iconic AMC drama about Walter White, we're praying you avoided newsstands carrying the New York Daily News because they put a picture of Walter White bleeding out ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THEIR PAPER with the headline "'BREAKING' DEAD." Really. That's what they ran with.
SPOILER ALERT: BREAKING BAD IS GONE FOR GOOD AND WE'LL NEVER BE THE SAME. IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE FINALE, DO SO BEFORE READING ON. ALSO, IF YOU KNOW OF A 12-STEP PROGRAM OR SUPPORT GROUP TO HELP COPE WITH THE ABSENCE OF WALTER WHITE, PLEASE LET US KNOW BECAUSE QUITTING COLD TURKEY IS GOING TO BE TOUGH. WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
We start off "Felina" with Walter White climbing into a strange car with his box of cash. He's frantically trying to hot wire the stallion when we see flashing red and blue lights through the snow-covered windows. Walt freezes the way a rodent does when it's cornered. His eyes are wide, his breathing is heavy, his movements completely stop. Suddenly, as if by divine intervention, he thinks to check the overhead visor and the keys to the car plop into his lap. Walt fires up the engine, brushes the snow off of the windshield and heads west as Marty Robbins croons from the tape deck.
At a gas station in the desert, Walt makes a call from a payphone and, pretending to be with The New York Times, manages to procure a piece of information that will prove integral to the beginning of the end for this meth-slinging cowboy. With the address of the humble abode of his former business partners, Gretchen and Elliot Schwartz, now written on his hand, Walt sets out to put things in order.
If you weren't already in love with Jennifer Lawrence after watching her smoke everyone in Panem with her bow and arrow and staring in awe as she rattled of Phillies and Eagles boxscores in The Silver Linings Playbook, then I hope you're sitting down because you're about to take the jump.
After winning the Oscar for Best Actress earlier this year and flirting with Jack Nicholson and giving the finger in backstage at the awards show, Jennifer Lawrence has decided the best career move she could make right now would be to appear in the upcoming sequel to comedy classic Dumb and Dumber.
Dumb and Dumber To has Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels reprising their infamous roles as Harry and Lloyd. Lawrence will make a cameo as a younger version of Kathleen Turner's character.
Tina Fey helped the new and improved unknown cast of Saturday Night Live kick off their 39th season by assuming the hosting duties this weekend.
In one of the sketches from the season premiere, SNL newcomer Noël Wells plays Lena Dunham playing Hannah from Girls in a faux promo for the Millennial dramedy's upcoming season. Tina Fey plays a new character, Blerta, a woman from Albania who befriends the young women in the show.
The sketch is particularly funny because of the slight tension between Fey and Dunham from last year's Golden Globes, when a well-intentioned speech from the Girls star and creator came out wrong and basically made it sound as though she was calling Fey and Amy Poehler old.
This should melt your heart.
A father dying of cancer knew he wouldn’t live to see two of his daughters get married. So the father of four decided to take advantage of the time he had left, and give his family a special gift:
Fred Evans walked his girls down the aisle.
As the entire planet looks on in horror, anxiously awaiting for Walter White to be The One Who Knocks on heaven's door (probably), it's important to take a look at exactly how far we've come. It's equally vital to plan ahead for the inevitable despair we'll all collectively experience when we realize that there's no more of The Danger to be had.
Below, I've rounded up as many things about the forthcoming finale of Breaking Bad that I could motivate myself to collect on a gorgeous Friday afternoon that's begging to be enjoyed away from the comfort of air conditioning and this stupid keyboard. Read up on the end of an era and then go outside or something.
Some 8 million people are expected to watch Sunday's finale. [Forbes]
A man named Ivan Lewis is looking for help on Facebook after straying in his marriage. Lewis' wife, Sonya Gore, caught him cheating and told him that she'd take him back if he posted an embarrassing photo of himself that garnered 10,000 "likes" on Facebook.
In the photo, Lewis is holding up a sign that reads, "I cheated on my wife!!! (and she was ugly!!!)"
The past week or two, Philly's seen a bit of dip in nighttime temperatures, which might have prompted you to break out the sweaters or swing through Starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte. Or, maybe you've been opted for a pumpkin scone instead of your usual blueberry or indulged in a pint or two of Southern Tier's Pumking while watching the Eagles lay turds in South Philly.
It might seem like pumpkin spice is a little more... everywhere, this year. The folks at Official Comedy (they're the geniuses behind the Breaking Bad/"Ignition (Remix)" video) imagined a world where the motivation for pumpkin flavored everything is much more sinister than you can imagine.
LINUS IS IN ON IT!
Whatever, man. It's Friday.