On Wednesday night at 10 p.m. EST, MTV premiered Miley: The Movement, an hour-long documentary that offered the world a behind-the-scenes look at America's most divisive pop star of the moment. The doc included footage from radio interviews, a conversation that Miley had with Britney Spears, and plenty of clips from the lead-up to the Great Twerking Fiasco of 2013.
I left the bar early on Wednesday to hurry home and watch Miley: The Movement in its entirety so that you wouldn't have to. (You're welcome.) Here's everything you missed by, you know, just driving on with your lives as though her life isn't relevant to you and yours.
Miley Cyrus Doesn't Understand What the Word "Transition" Means
In the early portion of The Movement, Miley explains that the changes you've seen in her image and act, recently, aren't a part of a transition to adulthood or a different phase of her life. They're a part of a movement.
"It's not a transition. Like, people always want to call it a transition. It's not a transition. I'm the same human. I've got the same heart I did five years ago. Everything about me is the same: same skin, same human. So, it's not a transition. It's a movement. It's a growth. It's a change."
Picking Up Her Dog's Sh** in Philly Made Her Feel Normal
"It was the best time in my life because people didn't expect to see me there... I see people, they're walking behind their dog, they're cleaning up poop. They're pissed about it. I'm so happy. I'm like, 'I'm doing a normal thing!' I'm picking up dog poop in a park. No one's bothering me. No one's talking to me. No one's taking my picture. I'm chillin'."
She's just like us!
Billy Ray Cyrus Thought Britney Spears Was Going to Turn Miley Into a Stripper
Miley was talking with Britney Spears when she began to opine on her childhood influences and what helped turn her into a pop star. She recalled the time when the "Slave 4 U" video came out and her father saw it.
"[Billy Ray Cyrus] shook his head and was like, 'My 8-year-old is going to turn into a stripper.' But, I wanted to be hot like Britney and that's still what girls wanna do in the pop industry."
There Was a Real Moment When She Goes Full Diva
When the arrival doesn't go exactly as planned, she starts to bug the hell out. She sounds like a diva as she unleashes a string of Bill O'Reilly obscenities, but it also feels like a brief moment of authenticity.
She seems very concerned about things going according to plan, right up to the twerk heard 'round the world.
She Wanted Middle America to Freak Out After the VMAs
You probably already knew this, but everything about her controversial performance at the VMAs was calculated.
"You can watch the VMAs performance and think it was a hot mess, but it was a strategic hot mess."
If the cliffsnotes aren't enough to quell your need to better understand the most controversial pop star alive right now, then you can watch a bunch of clips from the documentary over at MTV or catch the deluxe edition when it airs on Sunday at 8 p.m.