List proves two second-grade girls know more about falling in love than the rest of us

Last month, Ted Scheinman tweeted a picture of a napkin with a bunch of chicken scratch jotted down on it. The napkin had been a gift from his sister, a teacher, and the chicken scratch was the culmination of some serious brainstorming on the part of two second-grade girls. And, while it appears to just be the random musings of two small children, the napkin actually contains the definitive answer to why we're all here and what it means to live this life.

Basically, the two girls sat down and set out to list the 24 steps of falling in love. They skipped Nos. 7 and 9 (and stopped completely after 13), but the 11 stages that they did list are equally adorable and terrifying.

1. First you stare at the person.
2. You get close to each other
3. You ask for a date.
4. You go in bed and do sex
5. When you kiss you suck and lick
6. Get nacked [sic] in bed and do more sex.
8. Go dance and put your noses together.
10. You go in bed forever Then kiss forever.
11. Take a shower together and kiss.
12. Give each other rings.
13. Go to the pool together.

The fine folks at The Awl talked with Ted about the Holy text, the discovery of the answer to all of life's questions, and, of course, love.

Ted! So what happened here?

Short answer: the best thing ever.

Longer answer: My sister teaches languages at a school in the northeast and did not actually witness the composition of this masterpiece, but a colleague confides that the two girls (both second-graders) had finished their work about 12 minutes early and decided to write a “book” using napkins (possibly from a classroom birthday party?), with staples for the binding.

“The seats in that class are assigned,” my sister says, “but these two are really good friends, though I wouldn’t say they’re best friends. They play together often during recess—lots of cartwheels and flips and gymnastics in general—and are very popular… or as popular as one can be in second grade.”

My sister’s colleague saw them giggling and went to find the cause. Presumably she expected something less monumental. The girls surrendered the text without a struggle. I don’t believe it was confiscated on account of raciness; we’re pretty sure the teacher just really wanted to keep it.

According to this list, I've never been in love and now I have some serious soul searching to do. Good thing it's a rainy Friday. Cue: The Smiths. [The Awl]