The one where a 'Friends' reunion is never going to happen

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The ever-gullible Internet was duped this week when a poorly photoshopped Friends reunion poster and a typo-ridden press release made the rounds on social media, indicating that Chandler and company would be getting the band back together next Thanksgiving.

Before you start dreaming of Monica's turkey mask part two, please recognize that the Friends cast is never, ever getting back together. Like, ever. One of the show's co-creators, Marta Kauffman, has articulated as much.

The show's co-creator Marta Kauffman tells E! News exclusively that there's no truth to the latest rumor of the cast coming together for another season of the show.

But, really, that type of confirmation wasn't entirely necessary. It's been ostensibly clear, for quite some time, that a Friends reunion was nothing more than a lofty fantasy.

First of all, the likelihood that Monica, Chandler, Rachel, Ross, Joey and Phoebe would all still be living and working in New York—let alone living together—is miniscule. In fact, we know that Joey moved to Los Angeles. As we learned in his spinoff, he's been able to sustain his acting career. He's not coming back to New York. At least not unless he blows up and makes it as a legitimate star who can professionally afford to be away from Hollywood.

Chandler and Monica would be in the 'burbs by now, raising their 10-year-old twins, Jack and Erica. Rachel and Ross' daughter, Emma, is 12. The idea that either couple has any substantial amount of time to sit around a coffee shop and banter is entirely unrealistic.

People grow up. They make more money and get their own places. They change jobs and move. They get married and start families. They don't sit around coffee shops and make fun of each other the way they did in their late 20s.

Kaufman [sic] also said a movie reunion will never happen. "Friends was about that time in your life when your friends are your family and once you have a family, there's no need anymore," she said. [EOnline]

Apart from the storyline issues and shift in the Friends group dynamic, you've got the real life issue of, "Why the hell would the group reunite?" Jennifer Aniston is enjoying a successful film career. Matt LeBlanc has been nominated for two consecutive Best Actor Emmys for Episodes (he won in 2012). Friends executive producer and writer, David Crane (Philly shout-out), is also the mind behind LeBlanc's Episodes. Say what you want about Cougar Town (mainly that it was relegated to TBS for 2013), but the Courteney Cox wino dramedy was picked up for a fifth season. There's discussion that NBC will pick up a second season of Matthew Perry's sitcom, Go On. The band isn't getting back together because the drummer and the bassist and the keyboardist are all fronting their own groups now.

And, on top of everything, no one actually wants a Friends reunion. Sure, it'd be nice to revisit the wonderful characters that used to hoard the couches at Central Perk. But, really, it couldn't live up to the hype. Friends is one of the greatest sitcoms in the history of television. It entertained audiences for a full decade. Why can't that be enough?

Come to grips with the fact that, as far as our relationship with Friends is concerned, it's over. We are not on a break.

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