The dumbest story you'll hear all day is the one about the Eagles inviting Michael Jackson's 14-year-old daughter to try out for their cheerleading squad in, like, three years. Really. It's a thing that is actually happening.
Paris Jackson has been cheerleading for the Buckley varsity boys basketball team (goooooooooooo GRIFFINS!) in Sherman Oaks, California. Also, she's been making headlines because she has a funky new haircut and Miley Cyrus' funky haircut isn't new anymore.
Luckily, the folks over at TMZ are doing the Lord's work, so they spoke with Director of Eagles Cheerleaders Barbara Zaun about whether or not Paris Jackson should try out for the squad (SPOILER ALERT: she totally should). Now this is a sentence that exists:
"We thought that she had a lot of poise, confidence, and enthusiasm in her cheer performance," Zaun says ... adding, "Paris has that 'wow factor' that makes a great cheerleader."
Seriously? Maybe pump the breaks and let her turn in her book report on The Canterbury Tales and get through the Sophomore Sadie Hawkins dance first.