Modern kids are super busy tooling around with their iPads and snapchatting and updating their retirement portfolios. So much so that they no longer have the time (or patience) to sit down and enjoy a nice, eternal game of Monopoly. This is something that Hasbro is aware of. Thus, they've issued the latest version of Monopoly with no jail and a 30-minute time frame so that kids can sneak a game in between cyberbullying each other and trying to get Justin Bieber to retweet them.
"Hasbro's new Monopoly Empire, in which players compete to amass the most big-name brands, such as Coca-Cola Xbox and McDonald's, can be completed in as little as 30 minutes, compared with the hours that traditional Monopoly could take," reports The Wall Street Journal's Ann Zimmerman. Hasbro accomplished this depressing feat in part by removing the jail, which speeds up the pace and also removes a crucial safe zone in the latter stages of the game.
And let's not forget that the company also recently allowed the Internet to decide which new gamepiece would replace that dull iron that had been hanging around since The Depression. The Internet settled on a cat because, duh.
So, the new Monopoly Empire has a cat instead of an iron, corporations instead of property, no jail, and can be played in 30 minutes. It's almost surprising that Hasbro didn't find a way to squeeze a "#YOLO" in the title. The end is nigh. [The Atlantic Wire]