George Clooney is the best at being famous and this profile proves it

Actor George Clooney attends the premiere of "Gravity" at the AMC Lincoln Square Theaters on Tuesday, Oct. 1, 2013, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Whether he's mocking his own performance as Batman (and the nipple jokes that came with it), getting arrested while protesting outside the Sudanese embassy in D.C., or producing (pretty much) every movie that's ever been nominated for an Oscar, it's safe to say that George Clooney understands what it takes to be famous.

Esquire's December issue features Tom Junod's profile of Clooney, which focuses on the decisions and attributes that have helped to keep him internationally famous and simultaneously shrouded in mystery. Basically, it points out all of the reasons that he's better than just about anybody on the planet at being famous.

He lives in Clark Gable's house. He trolls UN ambassadors. He kicks Leonardo DiCaprio's ass in basketball. He has JFK's wallet from 1946 and the lipstick-stained matchbook that came with it. He publicly trolls Russell Crowe by joking about starting a band with Harrison Ford. His face was on Bill Murray's birthday cake. And, mostly, he's unavailable.

Clooney is one of those guys that nobody seems to dislike. He's charming, talented, intelligent, gracious, self-aware and as hilarious or sternly serious as the situation calls for. Though you probably loved him before, Junod's feature will reaffirm your belief that George Clooney is the coolest person you'll never have the pleasure of meeting.

Of course, he is not often challenged, and risks the fate of a fighter whose dominance is tainted by a lack of worthy opponents. A few years ago, however, he lost one of his dogs to a rattlesnake. He is a dog guy—a little sign about men and dogs adorns a living-room wall otherwise dominated by signed photographs of dignitaries—and he set about to get another, preferably hypoallergenic. He saw a black cocker-spaniel mix on the Web site of a rescue organization and called the number. The woman who answered said she’d be happy to bring the dog to his house, but then she explained that the dog had been abandoned and picked up malnourished off the street. “He has to love you,” she told George Clooney, “or else I have to take him back.”

At first, he found himself getting nervous—“freaking out.” What if the dog didn’t love him? Then he responded. “I had some turkey bacon in the refrigerator,” he says. “I rubbed it on me. I’m not kidding. When she came over, the dog went crazy. He was all over me. The woman said, ‘Oh, my God, he’s never like this. He loves you.’ ” [Esquire]