Sunday night marked the 55th Annual Grammy Awards. The biggest names in music turned out at the Staples Center in Los Angeles and millions of Americans watched from home so that CBS could pan to Taylor Swift every 11 seconds all evening.
Swift kicked things off with a dramatic (always and understatement with Swift) rendition of her Grammy-nominated "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." Then, she stood and danced/sang along with every other performance throughout the show. The CBS cameras couldn't get enough of her. They were showing her so often that Councilman Jim F. Kenney tweeted his followers to ask about the, "continuos coverage of the skinny chick dancing and singing to every song? I know that I should know who she is but humor me." because HE DIDN'T KNOW WHO TAYLOR SWIFT WAS.
He later admitted that he doesn't know a lot about Swift.
We get it (kind of) because Kenney's got stuff like AVI and the homestead exemption to deal with. But, honestly, it's 2013 and this sort of thing just isn't going to fly. Luckily for him, we're here to guide him on a path to pop cultural enlightenment. Here, Councilman Jim Kenney, is everything you need to know about Taylor Swift.
- She's from Pennsylvania (specifically, Wyomissing).
- She's 23.
- She's a country crossover.
- She was the opening act at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards.
- She released her album, Red last year. It sold 1.2 million copies in its first week.
- She goes to Stone Harbor just like us!
- She says, "stoked."
- She likes to sing about ex-boyfriends (wait for it... BASS).
- She dated a Jonas—specifically, he was of the "Joe" persuasion. He and his brothers were in the creatively-named boy band The Jonas Brothers (you can thank Disney for that). Taylor told Ellen that Joe broke up with her over the phone, which is, like, so immature and she totally deserved better than that, you know? Ellen is a talk show host.
- She dated Taylor Lautner, which is weird because they have the same first name. He's the werewolf from those Twilight movies. Twilight is a series of books and movies about vampires (vampires are creatures from folklore that live by sucking the blood of other living beings). You're not 13, so you don't need to watch these.
- She dated Jake Gyllenhaal (the guy from Donnie Darko). Donnie Darko is a trippy movie about a troubled teenager who commits a bunch of crimes at the behest of a giant, creepy bunny. Watch it alone. Watch it more than once. Spend the rest of your life trying to ascertain whether or not you really get it (you don't).
- She dated John Mayer (John Mayer is a singer who's dating Katy Perry). Katy Perry sings "Firework." Fireworks are what Americans use to
accidentally blow up their handscelebrate our country's indepence every Fourth of July.
- She dated the hell out of a Kennedy (as in, a person related to John F. Kennedy). John F. Kennedy was the 35th president of the United States. The United States is the country you live in.
- She dated Harry Styles (that kid from One Direction). One Direction is a boy band.
There you go—all caught up on everything Taylor Swift. Also, she's playing the Linc twice this summer, if that's your thing.