Government shutdown got you furloughed? Tons of extra time on your hands and only so many Law and Order: SVU reruns to watch on USA? Just head on over to vibrators.com to collect your free vibrator to help keep you occupied while the government is barely functioning.
Vibrators.com recently published a note on their site indicating that government employees that were furloughed because of the shutdown qualify for a new type of assistance that comes in the form of a five-inch vibrator.
For years, the company has offered the vibe as a free gift to go along with a customer's purchase. Now, the gifts are being reallocated to "help" the furloughed employees.
Are you a federal employee that has been deemed non-essential? Do you have a little too much time on your hands and nothing to do? Is the recent government shutdown to blame?
Here at Vibrators.com we are committed to allowing our customers to find satisfaction. As vibrator enthusiasts, we want everyone to experience the pleasure that a nice vibrator can bring to partners and individuals. Besides, we know you have some free time, why not try something new?
Vibrators.com has been giving away this free vibrator for years as a bonus gift with customers' orders and it receives great reviews. It is fairly powerful, quiet, and uses a single AA battery (not included). It is 5 inches long and 1 inch in diameter, a smaller vibe. It is emblazoned with the Vibrators.com logo on one side, so that you will forever remember our generosity.
Basically, you just add the vibrator to your shopping cart, select ground shipping, and put "Shutdown" in as the coupon code. They're giving away 200/day for as long as the shutdown lasts. But, be warned, that doesn't mean you can just go on the site every day and start stockpiling the vibrators like some truther filling a bunker for the looming Obamacare Apocalypse.
Status: This promotion is going really well. I guess that giving away free vibrators makes you quite popular. As of Sunday night we have hit our quota for the evening. We will be allocating 200 more free vibes on Monday sometime around noon EST.Other Note: To the person from Staten Island, NY who has tried to order 6 free vibrators, please go away. We don't give vibrators to greedy people. Besides, what were you going to do with 6 identical vibrators? Don't answer that question.Thanks for reading, and for visiting Vibrators.com - The Easiest, Most Private Way to Buy The Perfect Vibrator.
Seriously, that's the note they published to their site.
Never change, vibrators.com. Never change. [h/t Jezebel]