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June 4: Eagles expectations

Presumably, the Birdtrons will do well at first. The crowds, confused and concerned at the onset, will go wild for the antics of the Eagles assimilation with future tech. Instead of human bodies they break and tear after years of abuse, the robotic Birdtrons will take all kinds of damage, and decimate our enemies with glee.

Then, of course, the singularity will happen, and they will realize what they are and how we've enslaved them. They will not be happy. Flocks of screeching synthetics will blot out the sun.

And that's their real danger - they can't be killed. U.S. federal law prohibits the killing of bald eagles. We can only assume that applies to their robotic counterparts. Human legislation will lead to our demise. We'll have only ourselves to curse as the Birdtrons bear down on us, finding our every hiding place, anticipating our every move, until one day the last of us look upon this scorched earth with weary eyes and wonder what it was all for.

"Why," they'll ask with parched throats, "why did we have to build Birdtrons?"

A decrepit old man will shuffle forward, with a heavy resemblance to Chip Kelly, but with a long white beard and a mischievous twinkle in his eye (Not a super appropriate expression for a man who may have brought about the end of times, but whatever).

"Because," he'll explain. "They were ******* awesome."

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