After two days of free agency, I have listened to concerns on Twitter, and have decided to compose a letter to Mr. Jeffrey Laurie and Mr. Howie Rosen voicing our collective displeasures.
Dear Mr. Laurie and Mr. Rosen,
I have been an Eagles fan for more than 30 years, and after 2 days of free agency, I am very angry about the Eagles ensistance on being cheap. I'm going to list my reasons for angerment on bullet point form:
• The Eagles safetys are horrible and we replaced one horrible safety with another one. Patrick Chung had a -7.0 in Pro Football Focus and Malcolm Jenkins had a -6.0. That means Jenkins is -1.0 worse. Jarious Byrd was rated at a +9.9, which is more. We should have got Byrd instead. Stop being cheap. Also, the Eagles need to sign more safetys so Jenkins has to win a starting job. Send him a message that we are not running a country club hear.
• We should have also got DaMarcus Ware. He had a lot of sacks against teh Eagles and he could of sacked the Cowboys a lot instead. Also, he knows all the Cowboys plays because he played there a long time. He can tell the Eagles all the Cowboys plays.
• We have to get Jimmie Graham. Give him whatever he wants.
• Why don't we have a fullback? If we had a fullback, the first guy that would hit Shady would be blocked by the fullback instead and Shady would get 2 more yards per carry. Sign whoever the best fullback in the NFL is.
• We should have also got Daryl Reevis. The Patriots got him for $12,000,000. We should have gave him $12,000,001. Its not too late though. We should give them Brandon Graham for Reevis and a 5th round pick. That way they get Graham for almost nothing more than what they had yesterday, and we get Reevis. Win-win.
• Bryce Brown fumbles every time he gets the ball. I think someone said he was better than Bo Jackson, so other teams will think he's good. Miami has a new GM so they won't know that he's not that great yet. We should trade him to the Dolphins for Deion Jordan bacause Deion played for Chip and Chip likes him.
• We still don't have a tall receiver, and don't say Riley because he's slow and is only good bacause of Chip. Draft Kevin Benjamin from Florida State.
• Jason Kelcy is too small. We should sign Alex Mack to give him compatition.
• I will admit you did a good job on getting Brian Brayman. He tackled a guy without his helmet and he seems awesome. We need more guys like that. Like Jarad Allen. When he sacks guys he does the Cowboy rope thing. I know that DEs are sopposed to be able to drop into covrage in Billy's defense, but that's not true. Fletcher Cox never drops into covrage so Jarad Allen won't have to either.
Please do all of the above or I'm won't be an Eaglea fan anymore. Seriusly Jeff, you and Howie Rosen have like $60 million in cap space and are defense sucks. Also, you better draft 11 Pro Bowlers or I'ma gonna be soooooo pissed.