Saturday, July 12, 2014
Inquirer Daily News

It's Lorenzo: Snooki names her (unborn) baby!

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi has announced her baby's name.

It's Lorenzo: Snooki names her (unborn) baby!

Blog Image
Behold! Snooki's (yet-to-be-born) baby, Lorenzo. (Photo is of one of a number of wax statues of Lorenzo de' Medici made during his lifetime.)

In an announcement that is sure to be discussed for days in the nation's Corridors of Power, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi has confirm that she’s assigned a signifier to signify the Being of her yet-to-be-born baby.

Could it be Snookles? Snookette? MiniSnooke? Snooker?

Try Lorenzo.

The acclaimed novelist tells she and fiancé Jionni LaValle had discussed the matter at length and settled on that particular moniker.

So what does the name mean? In a word, “Man from Laurentum.”

(Laurentum was the name of an ancient Roman city.)

Snooki was forced to confirm the name when her Jersey Shore castmembers screamed it out during a group interview.

Jenni "JWOWW" Farley, Snooki’s costar in the Jersey Shore spinoff series, Snooki & JWOWW, tried to diffuse the situation, saying “Well, it's a name she's thinking about.”

Snooki, who is due in September said, “no, it’s done.”

The most famous historical Lorenzo probably is Lorenzo de' Medici, the 15th Century Italian statesman who ruled the wealthy, powerful city of Florence. Head of the filthy rich de’ Medici banking family, Lorenzo was renowned as a patron of the arts and lavished many a ducat to artists great and small.

Tirdad Derakhshani Inquirer Sideshow Columnist
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Tirdad Derakhshani was born in Tehran, Iran, and raised in London and rural North Jersey, where he closely studied a theoretical, radical post-Hegelian approach to cow-tipping. He moved to Philadelphia in the mid-‘80s to seek enlightenment, and instead received a B.A. in literature at Penn. While pursuing doctoral studies in modern religious thought and philosophy, he worked at the Inquirer as a news clerk, researcher, editor, and entertainment writer.

He hopes SideShow will help citizens better understand the vicissitudes of the Consumerist-Military-Industrial-Infotainment Complex, or, in other words, why Britney Spears has a tendency to shave her head, Brangelina to adopt children, and Lindsay Lohan to crave imprisonment. Read SideShow every morning.

Tirdad Derakhshani Inquirer Sideshow Columnist
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