What's in a name? Ask Beyoncé and Jay-Z!

What inspired you to name your child?

Your favorite color?

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Beyoncé and Jay-Z named their first child Blue Ivy Carter.

The song you and your partner listened to when you conceived the baby?

Or your fanatical devotion to the Spawn of Satan?

These are some of the questions inspired by the announcement this weekend that new parents Beyoncé and Jay-Z named their first child Blue Ivy Carter.

Sure, baby Carter’s isn’t exactly a traditional name, but at least she’s not called Apple.

Gossipdom’s best hermeneuticians have been busy all day wracking their brains for the answer to the ultimate question of the week:

What’s with Blue Ivy? What does it mean?

The Neo-Enlightenment rationalist camp at People.com and USAToday.com have proposed a series of clear-cut, easy-to-follow and perfectly satisfactory explanations.

While Dan Brownian conspiracy theorists, numerologists, postmodern alchemists and Illuminati-busters have come up with an entirely different thesis.

It's not the most intelligent theory, but it's a sexy bit of nonsense, as far as media draw is concerned: After all it has the words Lucifer, Satan, Evil associated with it.

The Rationalists: It’s a number & an album title

Let’s take Ivy first:

The word IV(y) includes the roman numeral for Beyoncé’s favoritest number in the world, the number four, or IV.

As the singer, whose latest album is titled 4, or the Arabic numeral for four, told Billboard in May, 2011, "It’s the day I was born [Sept. 4, 1981]. My mother's birthday [Célestine Ann “Tina” Beyoncé  was born Jan. 4, 1954],  and a lot of my friends' birthdays, are on the fourth."

And, let's not forget that B & J were wed on April 4, 2008.

An added four-reference: B’s album 4, was released in the year 2011 (on June 24), and 2+0+1+1 adds up to 4!

What about Blue?

This one’s easy, say the rationalists: If Ivy is all about Beyoncé, the meaning and origins of Blue come from her husband, Jay-Z, who’s all into the concept of the blueprint, which has the word blue in it.

Jay-Z has three (not four?!) albums with the word in their titles: The Blueprint (2001), The Blueprint 2: The Gift & The Curse (2002), and The Blueprint 3 (2009).

What’s more, he considers himself the blueprint – the paradigm, the Alpha and Omega –  of rappers and rap itself, says People.com.

“I’m the Blueprint, I'm like the map for ‘em,” Jay-Z proclaims in “A Star Is Born,” from The Blueprint 3.

The post-humanist, neo-spiritualist reading

Jay-Z and Beyoncé friend Russell Simmons sees a spiritual, albeit not necessarily religious, dimension in Blue Ivy.

“As far as the color blue, it’s considered the coolest color of the spectrum,” Simmons writes on his website, globalgrind.com.

“Ancient Egyptians used blue to represent the heavens. Blue also symbolizes the Virgin Mary. The color represents inspiration, sincerity and spirituality.”

Simmons is on a roll, teasing out and weaving in some very cool mythological associations out of the baby’s name.

He attacks the name Ivy thus. ““The name itself Ivy comes from the plant which symbolizes eternity,” Simmons writes.

“Greek and Roman societies admired the ivy plant for its hardiness and longevity. They believed the plant aided fertility. Could this mean more children for Beyoncé and Hova?”

Speaking of names, Simmons uses the name Hova, which is one of Jay-Z’ preferred nicknames. It’s also the title of one of his numbers, “Izzo (H.O.V.A.).” (See the video here.)

The anti-rationalist Satanic (nutsoid) reading

Some folks aren’t satisfied.

They want more. They want to find darkness where there is light, death where there is love, evil where there is innocence.

You know, the kind of people who’d play Led Zep and Sabbath albums backwards looking for instructions from the beyond. Or, to be more precise, instructions from Down Below.

They point out that Blue Ivy was born on Jan. 7, 2012 and 1+7+2+0+1+2 adds up to ... 13!

At some point the following asinine reading began making the rounds in the blogosphere and on Twitter.

If you read the name backwards, you get Eulb Yvi. Great. That’s terrific, right?

So, these misguided pseudo-semioticians go on to assert that the phrase Eulb Yvi means Lucifer’s Daughter in Latin.

This means, of course, that Beyoncé and Jay-Z are closet Satanists who agreed to help spawn Lucifer’s child, perhaps the anti-Christ itself, via Beyoncé’s womb.

Trouble is, Eulb Yvi is a nonsensical phrase in any language. The Latin term for Lucifer’s daughter is Lucifer filia.

We congratulate the couple, whatever their baby's name is meant to signify.