Friday, September 4, 2015

Flipping the Birds

Here's a helpful, holiday tip that won't cost you a cent. It will restore hours to your life and joy to your heart. This Thanksigiving, give up the Birds.

Flipping the Birds

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Here's a helpful, holiday tip that won't cost you a cent, ideal in these difficult economic times.

It will restore hours to your life and joy to your heart.

This Thanksigiving, give up the Birds.

On Turkey Day, go cold turkey on the Eagles. Say no to astonishingly bad football.

You can thank me later.

Instead, let us return to an earlier, easier, happy time.

That would be October.

Remember October?

October was swell.

Think about the our beloved Phils, our championship Phils.The phrase still manages to amaze and delight.

Remember how happy you were? Access that joy, the physical memory of yelling from happiness.

Let your frustrations go. On Thursday night, sated from too much food, you'll want to turn on the Eagles.

Don't. Fight the feeling. Extend the love, the warmth, give thanks to everything great that has brought you to this moment. Turn on White Christmas or the yule log. Read a book. Pat the dog.

When you abandon the Eagles, you'll reclaim 18 hours of your life. That would be the five remaining games in the season -- each, if history is a guide, proving more dismal than the last. You'll reclaim even more hours if you're prone to masochism, indulging in the pre-game insanity of false hope and the post-game ether of drowned faith. 

You won't have to listen to Merrill Reese go through Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief, sometimes in a single play. You can skip directly to acceptance.

When you flip the Birds for good, you will find joy in your heart, a bounce in your step, a calm in your sleep. Give thanks to great seasons of the past, ones that contained playoffs, and relish the glory of the Phils.

Give up the Eagles, the gift that keeps on giving. It's the right thing. It's a free thing. And it will make these holidays so much brighter, happier and free of frustration. And, remember, you can always look forward to Valentine's Day.

Next year, a veritable feast of love when your championship Phils' pitchers and catchers report to spring training.

 

 

 

Inquirer Staff Writer
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About this blog
This week Karen Heller is live-blogging the Republican convention in true blogger style - at home, surfing the Web and watching TV. She's covered five other conventions. Three were Republican, two were Democratic. Read all of Populist here.

Karen Heller has interviewed Philip Roth and Zsa Zsa Gabor, spent time with Pink and the Philadelphia Orchestra, the celebrated and the exemplary unsung. She's covered Miss America and political conventions. She's been a provocative voice at The Inquirer for nearly 20 years, garnering awards for criticism, feature writing and investigative reporting, and was a finalist for the 2001 Pulitzer Prize in commentary. Reach Karen at kheller@phillynews.com.

Karen Heller Inquirer Staff Writer
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