Now, Populist presents its Worst Mother's Day Ever contest.

Some time ago, an acquaintance gave his wife a Suzanne Somer's ThighMaster for Mother's Day.

Remarkably, they're still married.

This week, we received this absurd pitch for a product tied to Mother's Day. And, no, we are not making this up.

Dear Reporter:

As you are planning Mother's Day stories, there is a best kept secret for Mom your readers may not yet know about - Insect Shield Repellent Apparel. Insect Shield clothing offers protection while you are enjoying outdoor pursuits, traveling to buggy locales, gardening or simply trying to relax with family in the backyard.

Insect Shield® clothing repels mosquitoes, ticks, ants, flies, chiggers, and midges (no-see-ums.) This includes insects with the potential to carry diseases such as Malaria, West Nile Virus, Dengue Fever and Lyme disease. Many Insect Shield garments also offer the added benefit of sun protection with a UPF 30+ rating.

This, my friends, is grounds for divorce.

Possibly, it is a viable defense for abandonment. 

Do not buy this as a Mother's Day present. Or a birthday present. Or an anniversary present.

Do you know what mothers want?

Mothers want breakfast in bed. Mothers want hand-made cards from children. They want a massage -- not from a child but a licensed massage therapist, away from the home, where it is quiet and there is no laundry to be done. Lavender should be involved. Mothers want flowers and superior chocolate.

They do not want ThighMasters or something to ward off Dengue Fever.

Frankly, every day should be Mother's Day.

Feel free to contribute your worst Mother's Day gestures.