We weren’t the only ones scratching our heads when we first learned the names of Sarah Palin’s children. Though Willow and Piper were already familiar from Hollywood marquees, who’d ever met anyone named Track, Trig, or Bristol?
Baby names go in-and-out of fashion, of course. Who knew Sadie would become a hit name in 2008?
Maybe there was an Alaskan moratorium on naming infants John, Cody and Emma.
So if Sarah Palin was your own sweet mama, what would be printed on your birth certificate?
Possible answers come from David W. Harrington — blogging as Polit Tsk Tsk Tsk at politsk.blogspot.com — courtesy of his Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator.
Would Palin be a vice presidential candidate if her parents had named her “Flack Gobbler” Palin?
What about her running mate, and the nominal head of the Republican ticket? According to Harrington’s name generator, the ballot would read “Steam Fangs” McCain.
Other folks get some fine new monikers, too.
Sen. Barack Obama: “Tarp Lazer” Palin.
Sen. Joe Biden: “Beans Harpoon” Palin.
Gov. Ed Rendell: “Claw Washout” Palin.
Gov. Jon Corzine: “Churn Scorpion” Palin.
Mayor Michael Nutter: “Bow NATO” Palin.
Sen. Arlen Spector: “Muzzle Mammoth” Palin
Bill O’Reilly: “Slicer Mission” Palin.
Rush Limbaugh: “Crank Widow” Palin.
Tina Fey: “Buster Taint” Palin.
Oprah Winfrey: “Axe Deisel” Palin.
In 1969, Johnny Cash debuted a song at San Quentin Prison that had the inmates rolling in the aisles. “A Boy Named Sue” would become the Man in Black’s biggest hit.
In the song, an ego-bruised man vows revenge on the dad who stuck him with a girl’s name. “Sue” searches for his absent father and finds him in a honkytonk. After a fierce brawl, the dad tells him why he named him “Sue.”
“I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."
We can only guess the Palins were thinking along similar lines.
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