Wednesday, July 29, 2015

You can be a Nationals racing president if you can run an 8.0 40-yard dash (Sorry, Mr. Foles)

You, too, can be a racing president.

You can be a Nationals racing president if you can run an 8.0 40-yard dash (Sorry, Mr. Foles)


Once upon a time, before the days of Todd Zolecki, there was a guy who wrote for We'll call him Ken. One day, Ken finagled his way into the nightly presidents' race in Washington, D.C., in which the Nationals pay tribute to some of our nation's finest leaders with a competition featuring giant foam caricatures of said leaders. Personally, I think it would be more fun if caricatures of Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr were included. But, then, it wouldn't be a presidents' race, would it? Anyway, back to Ken. He fell flat on his face. End of story.

Now, according to, you can be part of this fine tradition for the entire season. 

Tryouts for a job as one of the presidents are scheduled for Saturday, March 2. Among the prerequisites: You must be between 5-foot-7 and 6-foot-6, and you must be able to a 40-yard-dash in 8.0 seconds, which means Nick Foles is disqualified on two counts already. But for the rest of you, I smell the potential for one of the greater long cons in the history of the Nationals-Phillies rivalry. I'm not saying anybody should try to secure the job and then, in the middle of the race during the first Phillies-Nationals game, unfurl a Phillies flag and run around the field until you force a security guard to become the first person in United States history to taser a former president. I'm just saying that it is a possibility. In fact, if any of the game days folks down in D.C. read this blog, the paranoia alone might be fun enough.

Anyhow, if you are interested in a summer job, or a little fun, the email address to contact is

Daily News Staff Writer
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