Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Remembering Vance Worley

Worley's tough times are about to end, because he's being to demoted to the minor leagues.

Remembering Vance Worley

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Old Philly favorite Vance Worley has been having a pretty tough year as the Twins' #1 starter. Fortunately, those tough times are about to end.

Because he's being to demoted to the minor leagues.

Let's reflect on Vance's time here by remembering how cool he was and that strut he had for instances like this one, when he made hamburger meat out of the Giants lineup.

THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE, OR REALLY EVEN SCIENCE

Replay in baseball, though sorely needed, is rarely used. The stipulations for firing up the time-consuming, resource-devouring industrial instant replay machine are quite clear.

It was – hang on, you don’t even know who I’m going to say yet.  Just kidding, yes you do; it was Angel Hernandez’s umpiring crew who decided to take that fancy replay stuff out for a spin last night, despite the play in question meeting zero of the critiera, indicating an immense lack of intelligence and/or awareness on Hernandez’s part, and nothing else, that’s really all that could have been a factor there.

THE EXPENDABLES, TOO

Tim Tebow doesn’t have a home right now, and because of that Tim Tebow is out there somewhere right now, performing clutch plays like helping people with car trouble or nursing wounded animals back to health, and then horrifying them with stories about how bad of a quarterback he is.

Ron Jaworski threatened offered to give Tebow a home with the Soul, one of several career downgrades from the NFL that will eventually end with Tebow getting a reality show, the promos of which will show him making football puns and folding his arms in slow motion while smiling.

But there’s one guy out there who thinks Tim Tebow is just the tops. And that guy is martial arts expert Chuck Norris.

To cut to the chase, here are the highlights from Norris’ 1,500-word treatise on why Tebow is great. We cannot confirm if there were illustrations or how adorable they were.

  • “Tim Tebow is a winner – plain and simple!”
  • “With Tim as the quarterback for the Jacksonville Jaguars, they would add thousands (if not tens of thousands) of additional fans to the stadium, including me – even though I don’t live in Florida!”
  • “Pundits have tried to erase the success Tebow had in 2011 with the Denver Broncos, but make no mistake: it all happened.”

'SHE CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW."

We are witnessing the start of an excellent web series this morning, as a man films conversations with his two-year-old daughter, with his daughter being played by an adult, human man.

If you're wondering when the "eerie" vibe kicks in, it's immediately.

THE STARTLER BECOMES THE STARTLEE

When it comes to startling people, Shane Victorino is more in the export business. But last night he got in the path of a Koji Uehara slapping-frenzy that finally gave him a taste.

Having retired the side in order, Uehara returned to the dugout for the traditional open-palm slap of every teammate, coach, trainer, railing, and water cooler.

Victorino never saw it coming, and the continuous loop of Looney Toons that plays in his head was suddenly missing a reel.

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