What might Phillies outfielder Delmon Young have said during his odd interview with the media Wednesday had our favorite penguin, Zoo with Roy, been asking the questions. Unfortunately, we were unable to send him down there on the private jet he is convinced we have sitting around, but that's never stopped the Penguin before.
Here are some highlights from the totally fictional interview that is somehow extremely believable:
Enthusiastic and physically fit over-achiever Delmon Young (recently anointed starting right fielder for your Philadelphia Phillies) made some waves yesterday when he went against the grain of his normally sunny disposition by basically stating he cares little about practicing baseball in the gorgeous Florida sunshine for a living.
As disappointing as it was to hear such a poor attitude from a renowned clubhouse leader and team player like Delmon, it did get me thinking: “ZWR, what might Delmon Young (in his new, TOTALLY OUT-OF-CHARACTER, joylessly out-of-touch state) say about other things going on in the world?” So I had one of my spring training spies catch up with Delmon after a grueling deep tissue massage. Here were his thoughts on a variety of other current issues:
On Michael Vick taking his new adorable puppy for obedience lessons:
“Yeah I mean that’s cool that he doesn’t wasn’t his dog pooping everywhere, but they say dogs die in a fraction of the time humans do, so I don’t see why it’s all that important to train them.”
Re: Dennis Rodman visiting North Korea and making nice with Kim Jong-Un:
“I don’t know why everyone keeps giving North Korea such a hard time, anyway. I mean it’s their country, they can do what they want.”
On the whole Chase Utley-Strasburg-Halladay-Tyler Moore occurrence yesterday:
“It was pretty chilly yesterday so I didn’t even leave the hotel until about 3:00. What happened?”
Andrew Bynum’s knee issues and his relationship with the fanbase:
“I totally understand where the guy is coming from. I feel for him. Wish I had a Ferrari like his, though! Do you have his number?”
On Kate Upton’s SI Cover:
“Who’s that?” [*is shown cover*] “Eh, I guess she’s okay. But I don’t read the media.”
When told she dates (former Tigers teammate) Justin Verlander:
“Sounds familiar, but I’m not really sure who that is.”