Phillies' diving lessons not paying off

Delmon Young has survived 250 plate appearances for the Phillies, and what a ride it’s been!

Meanwhile, hey, how are those control issues going down in triple A, Phillippe Aumont?

Well at least the outfield is

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p><a href="">@magelb</a> pictures describe them much better. One picture, specifically <a href=""></a></p>&mdash; Brian (@b_rostick17) <a href="">July 25, 2013</a></blockquote>
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You know what?  Maybe the problem is Twitter.  Maybe if we didn’t have direct access to this sort of information, we wouldn't... know it.

Well, at least it seems impossible that some front office executive could really look this franchise up and down and not think selling was at least a concept worth considering.

**Whistles while dousing computer in gasoline**


You know that part of a Mets game when people are just trying to leave the stadium so they can go home and take a shower? Well, the Mets feel taking that part of the Mets experience out of the equation will improve your visit.

Hell, why even leave at all! That’s right, you are cordially invited to sleep over at Citi Field, along with Mr. and Mrs. Met. And while you’re at it, just stick around for tomorrow’s game! Then, maybe you can sleep over again.

Come to think of it, there’s not a reason to ever leave Citi Field! Especially since the gates are locked and everything.

Empty your pockets.


Jean-Ralphio has delivered some of this century’s most profound dialogue.

News surfaced today that he the next season of Parks and Recreation will reveal that he is the blood relative of Barry Zuckercorn, which is news on a level so tremendous you're probably don't even fully comprehend it.

It's the most natural pairing since Aubrey Plaza and Daria.

... THEY GO 60 MPH...

Why don't we just save you a click and state that Chris Johnson is not faster than a cheetah, and having to ask that question indicates a severe lack of knowledge of both cheetahs and human beings.

Besides, these things never turn out well. 


Keanu Reeves is entering the “Last Samurai” phase of his career, meaning we're going to be treated to outings like this.