When you think of sports, do you think of versatile tests of skill, taking place across centuries in various cultural epicenters across the world? Or do you think of LeBron James, Johnny Manziel, and Brett Favre?
True sports fans take all of the interesting parts of sports away and listen solely to the movements of and speculation on a few select individuals. For those people, their Promised Land is now available for purchase on eBay.
Yes, the desk from Sports Center is available for just over $2,000, as long as you're on a pre-approved list of buyers. Put it in your rec room and spout mindless nonsense at your family! You'll never have to put a TV on just for the background noise again.
Years from now, when your children ask what sports media was like before the robots came, you can tell them - "Well, there was shouting. And there was jibberish. And there were 'experts' who had no idea what they were talking about. Oh, and LeBron. Like, 90% LeBron."
"Wow," they'll marvel.
"Yeah," you'll reply. "And it all happened at this desk! Sometimes. Other times it happened in other places first. Now pipe down, the robots are doing another sweep."