Yankees attempt to change history to acquire Mike Trout in future

(Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images)

It's old news that Mike Trout hails from Millville, New Jersey. Everyone knows that his favorite team growing up was the Phillies. We've all heard that story about him shouting to his dad, "WE GOT ROY HALLADAY!" and his dad assuming he meant the Angels.

So therefore, we all know that when the middle (or "prime") of his career comes around, Trout will look eastward from L.A. and begin to pine for his hometown. As he bashes extra base hits in front of a lackluster Angels Stadium crowd and has to wait behind Albert Pujols as he stops between bases to catch his breath, he'll think about how much more fun baseball was with the life he knew close at hand.

And then, free agency will arrive, and he and the Phillies will have the connection that he has dreamed of since he was a boy and that the Phillies have dreamed of since he surfaced as a can't-miss, five-tool prospect that actually was those things.

Now that that time grows ever-nearer, but is still not here, damn it, other teams will begin to sniff around Trout. The first team is, unsurprisingly, the Yankees, who have taken the unorthodox route of "rewriting history" to attempt to recruit Trout. Their first dispatched agent was in Minnesota today for pre-All-Star festivities.

He actually grew up very far from Yankee Stadium, and quite close to Philadelphia. We have developed a high tech map for those still confused.

There are in fact four stadiums closer to Millville than Yankee Stadium. But what we're forgetting is that the Yankees live in a universe in which the only baseball team is the Yankees.

Of course, if the Yankees' restructuring of past events is successful, this map will look like Millville and Yankee Stadium are very close, and we'll never know it. You'd think they'd be doing something more productive, like convincing Derek Jeter's parents to have more sons.

Let history show we tried. If the Yankees let it.