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WWE Raw results (8/5/13): Randy Orton stands tall, Daniel Bryan receives corporate makeover; CM Punk-Brock Lesnar go at it again

Here’s a rundown of the August 5 edition of Monday Night Raw:

WWE Raw results (8/5/13): Randy Orton stands tall, Daniel Bryan receives corporate makeover; CM Punk-Brock Lesnar go at it again

Here’s a rundown of the August 5 edition of Monday Night Raw:

This edition of Raw came to us live from the Resch Center in Green Bay, Wisc.

Right off the top of the show we got Stephanie McMahon in the middle of the ring. She welcomed everyone to this week’s edition of Raw.

She started her promo by saying that its no secret that her father Vince McMahon does not believe Daniel Bryan is WWE Championship material.

She said because Triple H along with the WWE fans did not agree, she wanted to come to a compromise and give Bryan a corporate makeover.

She said Bryan agreed and was a good sport about the whole thing. She presented a video as evidence of the makeover.

The video started off with Bryan getting a manicure and a pedicure, or a mani/pedi as the women call it, and cucumbers over his eyelids.

They showed him getting pampered from head to toe and then they showed him lifting weights. I guess so he could get into better shape? I didn’t know he was in bad shape.

The video then showed him with his hair pulled into a ponytail and walking into a steakhouse owned by Willie Nelson apparently.

He was then served a big plate of steak, which is not the usual dish for Bryan although he is no longer vegan.

He reluctantly ate the steak. All of this is happening with what I guess you would call proper makeover music playing in the background. It was kind of funny actually.

Bryan then went to a tailor where he was fitted for a suit, which marked the end of the vignette.

Stephanie McMahon then introduced Bryan to the audience as a new man.

Bryan cleaned up nice in a professional-looking suit and tie and his hair still in the ponytail. The beard was in tact for those who were worried.

Stephanie McMahon thought Bryan looked sharp. She then handed Bryan the microphone and left the ring.

Bryan asked the crowd if they liked his new look. The crowd emphatically said, “No.” Bryan then thanked Stephanie McMahon and everyone else who contributed to his makeover.

He then said that him all dolled up isn’t what the company wants. He said the company wants someone who’s all “jacked up.”

He said the company wants someone who wears jean shorts and a bright yellow T-shirt, in reference to WWE Champion John Cena.

Bryan went on to say that he respects Cena, but Cena doesn’t believe that Bryan can beat him. Bryan said he doesn’t blame him. Cena is a superstar who is in movies and on boxes of cereal.

He then looked at himself and said that he’s only 5’8’’, got a narly-looking beard and from the middle of nowhere out in the Pacific Northwest.

Bryan then said there’s a big reason why he can beat Cena. That’s because Cena is an entertainer and Bryan is a wrestler — a word you do not hear often on WWE television.

He said that if Cena were fired tomorrow, Cena would go back to his mansion and his millions of dollars and never wrestle again.

Bryan then said if he were to get fired tomorrow, he would be in every armory and gymnasium with 30 people in the audience because he loves wrestling.

Bryan said that he would play along with what the company wants for now because at Summerslam he will make Cena tap out.

He ended his fantastic promo with a “Yes!” chant before Vince McMahon interrupted him.

Vince McMahon began his promo by calling out Bryan for his pants being too short, or having “high waters” as I like to call them, and for having brown shoes with a blue suit.

Vince McMahon proceeded to run down Bryan by saying that the WWE has never had a dwarf as its champion before. Vince McMahon even went as far as to say that Bryan looked like a miniature Mick Foley.

He said that Bryan could be championship material and get on his good side by doing one thing: shave that massive beard of his. Bryan and the fans did not agree.

Vince McMahon then had some people bring down a barber chair. Before the chair got to ringside, Bryan said, “No!”

Vince McMahon said that if the fans really want him to be WWE champion, he would shave the beard because he knows what the fans truly want.

He also put in the caveat of Bryan refusing would cost him the job.

Bryan reluctantly walked to the chair.  Vince McMahon then called upon Wade Barrett to shave the beard because he keeps his beard in tact, according to Vince McMahon.

Before Barrett could go to town with the clippers, Bryan asked him if he could a little stubble on his chin.

Barrett foolishly stuck his head close to get a better look at what Bryan was talking about and was met by a head butt.

Bryan then threw Barrett in the chair and shaved half of his beard off. Barrett was obviously furious, but was then disposed of by Bryan.

Bryan ran to the ramp and told Vince McMahon that he was not going to change.  Bryan then ripped off his dress shirt to unveil his own version of Cena’s “The champ is here” shirt. Bryan’s said “The beard is here” with the arrow pointing up.

Vince McMahon stood in the ring fuming and threw Bryan’s jacket into the crowd.

Match 1 – Rob Van Dam vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio’s personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez made his return from his 30-day suspension err “severe injury.”

Also, the host of Summerslam, The Miz, was out on commentary. I guess WWE didn’t have anything for The Miz and decided to make him a host of a show again. Because that worked so well when he hosted Smackdown! years ago (sarcasm).

The two combatants exchanged early blows until Van Dam was able to hit a monkey flip and a standing moonsault to take early control.

Van Dam then tossed Del Rio out of the ring, which led to him hitting another moonsault on Del Rio, this time from the ring apron to the outside as we went into a commercial break.

When we came back, Van Dam was still in control until he missed Rolling Thunder. He regained control with a big kick and then hitting Rolling Thunder.

Van Dam then went for a split-legged moonsault, but it was blocked by Del Rio. Rodriguez then propped his trusty bucket into the corner so Del Rio could throw Van Dam into it.

Del Rio tried to accomplish this, but Van Dam reversed it and threw Del Rio into the bucket head-first. Van Dam then rolled up Del Rio to get the pin and the victory.

Winner: Rob Van Dam

After the match, Del Rio was very upset and took his frustrations out on Rodriguez by super kicking him. He then picked up the bucket and began whaling on Rodriguez and tossed him out of the ring.

Del Rio wasn’t done, however. He then put Rodriguez’s head behind the steel steps and dropped kicked them. It looks like Rodriguez will be gone with another severe injury.

After some commercials, we got Cody Rhodes in the ring as he said that he had a gift for his former friend and Mr. Money in the Bank Damien Sandow.

The gift is a box that seems to be leaking some water, leading everyone to believe that it is Sandow’s briefcase that Rhodes stole and threw in the Gulf of Mexico.

After a video package, Rhodes unveiled the gift and it was indeed the Money in the Bank briefcase that Sandow earned back on July 14. Because it was in the Gulf of Mexico for more than a week presumably, it had mud and sea weed all over it.

Rhodes then told Sandow that if he wanted the briefcase back he had to come and get it. Sandow walked and stopped at the bottom of the ramp. He told Rhodes to put the briefcase down and leave.

Rhodes initially obliged and left the ring, but once Sandow began to go after the briefcase, Rhodes jumped back into the ring and put his hands on Sandow.

Rhodes knocked Sandow out of the ring and then opened the briefcase and grabbed what was left of the contract itself.

Match 2 – Ryback vs. Mark Henry

The match began with long stare down from the two combatants.

Henry got the initial upper hand with a shoulder block to Ryback. Ryback fought back quickly and landed a cut block to the back of the knees of Henry.

Henry managed to hit another shoulder block and tried to build up some momentum, but Ryback ducked out of the way and rolled out of the ring.

Ryback tried to get back in the ring, but Henry wouldn’t let him. Ryback simply opted to back off and be intentionally counted out.

Winner: Mark Henry via count out

After some commercials, we are given our first backstage segment of the night and it included the Bella Twins.

The Bellas were talking about good they looked on the new reality show “Total Divas.”

They are then met by new diva Eva Marie, who gave Brie Bella some hair spray. The trio continued some mindless banter until Natalya showed up.

Brie Bella then said the fact that Natalya is allowed on the show is a slap in the face. Natalya responded with a real slap in the face, which was by actually slapping Brie Bella in the face.

We then came back into the arena where we are graced by the presence of Cena with a bright yellow shirt in tow.

Cena said that facing a guy like Bryan, a fan favorite, is nothing new to him. He continued by saying that he’s listened to the WWE Universe make their choice on who they like more and the often choose Bryan.

He went on to say that he heard what Bryan had to say about him earlier in the night and although some of that is true, the rest is just ignorance.

He said that he’s heard all of that stuff before from The Rock, CM Punk and a thousand more.

Cena then said that he won’t change for Bryan or anyone else. Cena talked about the struggles he’s been though in his career, which included a number of injuries.

He said Bryan glorified wrestling in auditoriums and armories because that’s where he’s comfortable and that’s where he would rather be.

Cena then said that Bryan was right about him never wrestling again if he was fired. But he said it would not wrestle because he loves the WWE and would not want tarnish the WWE title by wrestling for another wrestling company.

After Cena ended his promo, the other Mr. Money in the Bank, Randy Orton, walked to the ring.

Orton grabbed a microphone and said that Cena never ceased to amaze him. Orton said that it doesn’t matter who walks out of Summerslam the champion because all that matters is that the briefcase essentially guarantees he will win the title.

Out of nowhere, The Shield made their way to the ring. Before The Shield could lay the boots to Orton and Cena, Bryan ran out with his fantastic new shirt to even the odds.

The Shield began to retreat sensing this was not their fight. Before they could leave, Raw general manager Brad Maddox walked out and pulled a Thoedore Long by announcing a six-man tag team match between the men in the main event.

After the break, Tons of Funk is in the ring with the Funkadactals doing some gyrations before the Wyatt Family interrupted them.

Match 3 – The Wyatt Family vs. Tons of Funk

Bray Wyatt ominously sat on the outside of the ring in his rocking chair. Things broke down quickly in this match as all four men were in the ring in a matter of minutes.

Before you knew it, the Wyatt Family picked up the win.

Winners: The Wyatt Family

After the match, Bray Wyatt walked into the ring and did some weird pose in the corner before hitting his finisher on Broadus Clay.

Bray Wyatt picked up a microphone and cut another great/cryptic/weird/scary promo.

Just when you thought it was over, Kane’s pyro hit. Kane popped up on the titantron and said that he likes the fact that the Wyatt Family wants to destroy everyone in their path.

He then said the difference between him and the Wyatt Family is that he doesn’t destroy people to spread a message. He does it for his own personal amusement.

Kane then essentially laid down a challenge to take on Bray Wyatt at Summerslam in an Inferno Match.

After the break, we got a backstage interview with CM Punk, who was scheduled to take on the Intercontinental Champion, and Paul Heyman guy, Curtis Axel.

Punk said that he’d rather talk about Axel’s father Mr. Perfect because he was someone that he eloved and respected along with his manager Bobby “The Brain” Heenan.

Punk then said that when Mr. Perfect and Heenan were on camera, Mr. Perfect still had a mind of his own.

His son Axel, however, does not because he has so much blind loyalty to Heyman. Punk said that blind loyalty would get Axel a beating at his hands.

Punk was then asked about his match at Summerslam against Brock Lesnar. Punk said that he would slay “The Beast.”

Match 4 – Kaitlyn vs. Layla

Before the match, Layla got time to explain her actions of last week’s Smackdown! when she turned on Kaitlyn.

She said that she only did it because she wants attention and that it was nothing personal against Kaitlyn. She then said whether someone is a total diva or a regular diva, they’d better watch their back.

The match began with Kaitlyn beating on Layla until Layla cowers in the ropes so that the official would back off Kaitlyn.

Layla then in plain sight ran behind the official and kicked Kaitlyn. She then hit a DDT and attempted a pin fall, but only got a two-count. From there Layla assumed complete control until Kaitlyn hit a backbreaker.

Kaitlyn gathered up some momentum and went for a spear until A.J. came out and distracted her. Layla seized the opportunity and hit her with a kick the announce team is calling the “bombshell” to pick up the win.

Winner: Layla

After the match, A.J. and Layla skipped around the ring. On a side note, Layla looked lost in the ring. I guess all that time sitting ringside would make you rusty.

Match 5 – Christian vs. Heath Slater (3MB)

Christian gained the early upper hand on Slater, but was distracted by the other members of 3MB, which allowed Slater to take control.

Christian regained control after he countered a middle-rope move from Slater.

Slater and Christian engaged in some back and forth before Slater knocked Christian into the corner.

Slater then took time showboat to the crowd, but was speared by Christian, who picked up the win.

Winner: Christian

Match 6 – CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel

As Axel was making his entrance with Heyman, Punk jumped out of the ring and attempted to go after Heyman.

Axel got in Punk’s way and the two began exchanging blows. Punk eventually tossed Axel to the side and redirected his sights on Heyman. Axel stopped Punk for a second time.

The two combatants fought their way down to the ring to officially start the match as Heyman stayed in the back.

Once in the ring, Punk assumed control as he worked over Axel’s left leg. Punk then threw Axel out of the ring and hit a suicide dive as the telecast went to commercial break.

After the break, Axel gaied control for the first time in the match and Heyman saw it is a good time to come out from hiding.

As soon as Heyman came to ringside, Punk turned his attention to him. It proved costly as Axel hit a clothesline.

Punk used a cross body drop from the top rope, however, to stop Axel’s momentum. Punk rolled to the outside to chase Heyman, but he was cut off by Axel again.

Axel maintained control until he missed a forearm from the top rope, which allowed Punk to get up and running and hit his signature moves.

Punk then went to the top rope to hit his big elbow drop, but Axel knocked him off the turnbuckle.

Punk then hit a big kick to Axel’s head, which put both men down. Heyman began to tend to his charge Axel when Punk jumped on Heyman and dragged him into the ring.

Before Punk could do a lot of bodily harm to Heyman, Brock Lesnar came out to make the save.

As soon as Lesnar stepped in the ring, Axel grabbed Punk by his ankles and dragged him out of the ring. Punk fought off Axel by hitting him with the GTS.

Punk then grabbed a steel chair and attempted to hit Lesnar, but Lesnar grabbed the chair and threw it back in the ring.

Lesnar and Punk then exchanged blows. Lesnar tried to hit Punk with an F-5 through the announce table, but Punk pushed Lesnar into the ring post. Punk followed that up with kicks and elbows to the head.

Punk then jumped on top of the announce table, jumped off and hit Lesnar with a clothesline on.

Lesnar recovered quickly and hit Punk with belly-to-belly suplex outside of the ring. Lesnar threw Punk back in the ring and attempted to hit him with the F-5 again, but Punk wiggled out, picked up a chair and hit Lesnar across the back with it.

Once again, Punk turned his attention to Heyman as he tried to hit him with a steel chair, but Lesnar grabbed and finally hit him with the F-5.

Lesnar grabbed the same chair Punk hit him with and commenced to clobbering Punk across the back with it. It looked like when Punk took the F-5, he landed right on face and it bloodied his chin.

Winner: Who cares that fight was pretty cool. For those keeping score, we’ll go with CM Punk via disqualification

After the commercial break, Lesnar, Heyman and Axel are interviewed backstage.

In a surprising move, Lesnar actually spoke and questioned whether Punk was all the world has to offer as its best. He said he is the beast and the best.

He then turned the microphone over to Heyman by saying, “Paul, say something stupid.”

Heyman proceeded to say that Punk may not make it to Summerslam and that he was challenging Punk to a one-on-one match next week.

Match 7 – Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston

This marked Kingston’s first match in quite some and he broke out some new gear to celebrate the occasion.

After some quick offense from Kingston, Faaaaaaandaaaaaannngoooooo held court in the match for a couple of minutes.

Fandango lost control when he missed a high-risk move off the top rope. Kingston capitalized on the opportunity and built up some momentum, which culminated with the Boom Drop.

Kingston then went for Trouble in Paradise, but Fandango rolled out of the ring. Kingston went after Fandango, but Fandango caught Kingston with a kick to the head and attempted a pin, but only came away with a two-count.

Fandango went to the top rope again, but Kingston ducked out of the way and countered with cross body off the tope. He went for a pin, but only got a count of two.

Kingston suddenly went for the Trouble in Paradise, but Fandango ducked under it and tried a move. The move was countered by Kingston, which eventually turned into a Trouble in Paradise. Kingston pinned Fandango to pick up a win in his first match back.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

After the match we are backstage with Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. Stephanie McMahon was distraught over the fact that her father Vince McMahon was furious about how the Bryan makeover segment turned out.

Triple H said he’s done beating around the bush and said that her father has lost his mind.

He went on to say that the once great creative genius that was Vince McMahon is gone. He said that he just runs around and does everything on a whim.

Triple then said that he’s had enough of Vince McMahon’s rash decisions. He said that he’s tired of him trying to destroy Bryan and Summerslam along with it.

Triple H finished his rant by saying that whatever McMahon was going to do at Summerslam, he was going to stop him.

After WWE paid some bills, we are graced by The Real Americans (Jack Swagger, Antonio Cesaro and Zeb Colter) in the ring. Colter, as usual, had a microphone in his hands and had something to say.

Colter said that all the cheese the people in Wisconsin is not just clogging their arteries, it’s also clogging their brains.

He then called the Packers overrated, which drew a chorus of boos from the Green Bay fans.

Match 8: The Real Americans vs. The Usos

As Swagger and one of The Usos start the match, a “Go Pack Go” started among the loyal Packer fans.

The Real Americans gained the early upper hand thanks to a vicious upper cut from Cesaro to one of the Usos. The Real Americans began to isolate the Uso brother in the corner and mount a ton of offense.

The Real Americans built their offense around some creative double team moves, which is always cool to see in a tag team match.

After a big kick to Swagger, The Usos were able to make a hot tag and one of them began to clean house.

The Usos eventually went for a pin fall, but Swagger broke it up. Swagger was then tossed out of the ring by one of the Usos who followed that up with a suicide dive on to Swagger.

This left Cesaro in the ring with the other Uso brother. The Usos almost got another pin fall after one of The Usos super kicked Cesaro as he came off the top rope.

On the outside of the ring, Swagger tossed the other Uso brother into the ring post. With a man advantage, Cesaro was able to hit the Neutralizer to pick up the victory…for America!

Winner: The Real Americans

Match 9: Dolph Ziggler vs. Big E Langston

For the second week in a row, Ziggler faced his former muscle in Langston. Ziggler landed the first blow in the match with a dropkick. Ziggler went for a pin, but Langston tossed him off barely after the count of one.

Langston tried to press slam Ziggler, but he wiggled his way out of it and found himself on the ring apron. Before Ziggler could look up, Langston clotheslined him to the floor.

From here, Langston began to overpower Ziggler. Ziggler dodged Langston as he was coming into the corner to halt his momentum and gain some of his own.

The momentum was short-lived, however, as Langston hit a backbreaker. As Langston and Ziggler were down on the mat, A.J.’s rival Katlyn walked out and went right after A.J.

A.J. attempted to escape Kaitlyn by running into the ring. The fight continued in the ring until Langston hit Ziggler with a vicious clothesline.

Langston then picked up Ziggler and hit the Big Ending and picked up a big win.

Winner: Big E Langston

Match 10: John Cena, Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton vs. The Shield

The match got started with Orton and Rollins going back and forth. Orton beat up on Rollins a little before tagging in Bryan.

Rollins was able to get to his corner to tag in Ambrose. Bryan wound up tossing Ambrose out of the ring, which set him up for a suicide dive.

Eventually, The Shield took control of Bryan and began to isolate him in their corner with frequent tags and double team offense. After taking a beating for a couple of minutes, Bryan began to fight his way out of their corner, but was pulled back by Rollins.

As Rollins held back Bryan, Ambrose distracted the official. While the official’s back is turned, Bryan made the tag to Cena, but he is quickly told to leave the ring as the referee did not see the tag. While Bryan and Rollins were still in the ring, Rollins threw Bryan into Orton, who was standing on the apron.

Rollins tried to pin Bryan, but Bryan reversed it into the Yes! Lock. Just as it looked like Rollins was going to tap, the rest of The Shield jump into the ring. Cena jumped in after them and helped Bryan clean house.

After they cleaned house, Bryan took time to do his Yes! Chant, but Orton snuck up from behind and hit him with an RKO.

Although he hit Bryan with an RKO, Orton fought alongside Cena as The Shield jumped back into the ring.

Orton and Cena cleaned house once again and The Shield retreated. Then out of nowhere, Orton hit Cena with an RKO.

With Bryan and Orton laid out, Orton grabbed his briefcase and attempted to cash in, but The Shield came back down to the ring.

Orton thought better of the situation and left as Roman Reigns hit Cena with a spear. The Shield then began assaulting Bryan and hit him with a triple power bomb.

Result: Another match with no distinct result

Vaughn Johnson Sports Producer
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