Several weekend social events end with people being punched by men, bears

Welcome back to the Wheelhouse, where we recap the previous evening's sporting events in the form of a brief, flippant, sarcastic link dump. Likely, this will be the highlight of your day.

- Bears, outside of their natural environment, are likely already scared. Remember not to perturb them any further by tripping them or pushing them or trying to steal their heads. Nature is so beautiful and terrifying.

- It's well known that policemen and firemen are natural enemies. Giving them weapons and telling them to combat each other on a field of ice is not going to improve on that.

- What a lot of people don't realize is this is actually how Chase Utey rehabs from knee injuries.

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- Kentucky really impressed Drake this weekend, putting them in some elite company.

- Something tells me Derek Jeter will be reaching milestones on a daily basis this season. Fortunately, this actually is one.

- "Nostalgia!" It's the new "Tiger Woods!" Or so hopes the PGA.

- Sonny Gray knows it's important to start the season as Buerhle-esque as possible.

- Don't worry. Umpire Sean Barber made up for this play with a thousand terrible calls.

- The Braves' Tommy John epidemic was uncontainable. We knew that. And now it's too late.

- It's gonna be bacon, isn't it? They're gonna move that and it's gonna be a platter of sizzling bacon.